Distress Signals

I have been in distress since my investigation. You know how your brain just thinks the worst. I've been all over everything thinking the worst. But, today I decided to just TRUST GOD!!  There is nothing that I can do. I trust the word of God when it says, The blessings of the Lord maketh rich and adds no sorrow. I'm not going to be sorrowful.

Another reason I'm not going to be in distress is because I"m teaching a stress management workshop. And I have to do what I'm teaching. So, I CHOOSE not be be stressed.

Thank God for choices.

Makes Me Wanna Scream

I just finished my interview for the investigation. OMG. I just wanna scream. Talking bout combing through my past with a fine tooth comb.  OMG!!

I was brave in talking about my homelessness, but for some reason I teared up when she asked about my daughter. I thought I was gonna have to excused myself. I'm not even sure why I got emotional, but I did. I guess it's not everyday that I have to tell someone that my daughter is dead. As a matter of fact every time someone ask me if I have any children I just say no and there is a little tinge, but I ignore it and keep going.

There was so much information...

I found out that I had a contempt of court charge on June 4, 2010. Obviously, it wasn't me.

Under Investigation

I have been under investigation for the past two months.

Okay,

I don't think investigation is the right word, well, it's an extensive background check that is being investigated and I meet with my investigator, Alicia, on tomorrow. I was told that I would be going through all of the information that I completed on my background application and I would be explaining everyting--unemployment, homelessness, estranged parents, everything. I'm not sure how I feel. I mean, I've never uttered the words to anyone, "I'm homeless."  Well, I did tell this one guy, to which he told me that he slept in the park. And I said it in a letter to my banker so that he wouldn't repo my car, but no one else.  I feel sad that I'm not close enough to anyone to be able to share that information with people. I mean, it's embarrassing. I guess that's my pride. I remember when Coach told me that things that he was going through. He was so embarrassed. What he didn't know was that I had been through similar situations. But, I didn't know how to share that with him.

So, this stranger is going to dig into my past and I'm going to have to explain it. I'm not sure if it's going to be easier because it's a stranger....

We'll see.....

Only a Little Test

Laundy guy is a bust. I mean, he did all of that to get my attention only to flub. He's not texting calling or anything. I kind of knew that was gonna happen. Especially when he told me his situation. I mean, 6 kids and he moved here to be with his girl and he was with his girl for 10 years. That's not easy to walk away from. I'm suspecting a testing. Why else would I meet a man and then nothing? I'm being tested......

Oh boy!!

Excuse Me, What Kind of Hairstyle is That?

I don't get "hit on" very often. It makes me wonder, "Am I unattractive? Am I fat or Am I just too old?" I don't let it bother me, but it's nice for someone to notice me and I'm not talking about some old, bald dude with missing teeth. I'm talking about someone my age.

So, imagine my surprise when a guy asked me, "Excuse me, what kind of hairstyle is that?"

"Huh," was my response as I tried to come up with words to explain my hairstyle. He then went on to tell me that he was flirting.

"Oh, Ok," was all I managed to say. I mean, I was at the laundromat, sweaty from being out in the sun at the run/walk, and I have a small cold sore on my lip. I wasn't feeling quite attractive or flirty, but I accepted it. I didn't say anything else to him and he left.

I started thinking about a conversation Mister and I had about meeting people. He was disappointed that he has not been able to meet anyone that he wants to me. He mentioned that his prospects are at gas stations or laundromats (meaning the women at laundromats and gas stations are not the type of women he likes to meet). I told him, I always go to the gas station and laundromat. I kind of laughed because I understand.
The last guy that hit on me at the gas station was half drunk and the last guy that hit on my at the laundromat was almost 50 and involved with another woman. Then there was the guy that said he liked me, but he didn't want to date a black girl. LOL. He wasn't saying it in a racist way, he was half black. What I got from him saying it was that he dated some black girls in the past who weren't "his cup of tea." I understand. There are a lot of hood chicks out there and quite a few go to the laundromat. LOL.

Anyway....

This guy was cute. He had his son with him. When he came back, he finally got up enough nerve to talk to me. We exchanged numbers. He's from D.C. (my fav place to visit). I'm not sure what I think about him. I asked him how many children he had. He said he had 6.

Oh boy.....


Here we go again....


LOL.....

Why do I meet men with so many children. I want a man that can pay a lot of attention to me. When you have more than 2 children, you attention is spread thin, in addition to your money.

I then asked, "Married, divorces, or single," to which he replied, "Single."

Oh boy....


So that means baby mamas.

He explained that he was in a relationship for 10 years and he has 5 children by the woman. WOW.

10 years is a lot to compete with. And he said that he moved here, all the way to central IL because of this woman. WOW!!!

Not, sure what I'm going to do with this. Maybe I'll just go out a few times, just to have a little fun. But, I tend to think that if you have been in an extensive relationship for a long time, you NEED to take some time for you. You don't NEED to jump right into the next relationship. I mean, how do you know who you are apart from the relationship. When people have been together for that long, and I'm assuming they lived together, they "JOIN" together as one. And when they break up it's like part of them is missing and they need to get or fill that part back up with themselves. When Mister left I went a little crazy with the men and it was making me so crazy that I just needed to STOP. I took time for me. Almost 3 years without a date and there have been times where I've been just happy to be by myself because I needed to know who I was apart from him. My life was so intertwined with him that I didn't know who I was or what I liked. I NEEDED that time and space.

I know, I know....everyone is different.

But, 10 years being attached to someone.

And you didn't marry the person. Why not get married? But you kept having children.

Something is wrong with that picture.  I"m not judging it, but I'm cautious.....

Stop It

I had a dream last night and it was pretty interesting.

I'm not sure where we were, but my first lady was there. She was ministering and prophesying to people. For some reason I was laying down on a mattress on the floor underneath the covers. Coach was there with me, but I couldn't get comfortable because it was cold and I was trying to stay covered. I was also wondering if she was going to come minister to me, especially since I was laying in a bed with a man who was not my husband. Eventually she came over, snatched the covers off and said, "What do we have here?" She then looked at me and told me to stick my tongue out. She examined my tongue and mouth and said, "You have black lungs." I said, "I don't smoke." She looked at coach and said, "Maybe it's all the sex. STOP IT," and then she left.  I woke up shortly and wondered what it meant.

WOW!!

I've Purchased 3 Vehicles

I was able to pay the balance of my car note today. And I have the title in my hand. Thank you God, this burden has been lifted. Now I just need to get this car fixed. I want to get rid of it, but I can't afford a new one right now. So, I'm going to concentrate on fixing it. This will be the 3rd car that I've purchased and paid off. The 2 prior had been paid on on time, but I was behind 5 months. I thank God that this was a small community credit union. And the banker allowed me to be late without repo'ing my car or sending me to court. Thank God!!