Down the Toilet

All that time....down the toilet.


I just spend over a month working on a millions dollar grant for the NP that I volunteer with.  And it was supposed to uploaded today at 4:30pm EST.  I didn't finish until 3:42pmCST.  I was 12 minutes too late to upload it.  WOW!!!!

I was upset at first, but thank GOD, I'm not gonna linger.  Yes, I spend hours and hours and hours and days and days and days, but it all came down to a technicality.

Actually, this reminded me of an incident around this time in January 2009 (I believe).  I don't understand.  What did I do wrong????

I was in this same position in January 2009.  I was working on a grant for $150,000 and my car had broken down and I spent all night with my team with the final touches and it was due in Springfield at 2:00pm.  I got stopped by trains and there was traffic and I got there at 2:20pm.  I don't understand the repeat.  I don't get it.  God help me understand this!!!! PLEASE!!!!!

Yes, I'm gonna move on because I HAVE TO!!!  But, what was the lesson in this???  I learned that I need another team to work with and I learned that I'm not the leader that I want to be and that .....I'm not sure what else I learned.  I guess maybe not to take a week off when you are supposed to be working......

I guess the good news of the day is that I was thinking...hmmm, I haven't been called in for a second interview. I guess the health department doesn't want me.  But sure enough at 3:26pm today (when I was tryna upload the grant) I got a call.  I checked my messages and it was BB calling to set up another interview.  I was happy, that made the sun shine a little in my life in the midst of the clouds.  So I'm gonna call her back tomorrow morning!!!

I'm exhausted.  All that hard work, for what, GOD????

230 Big Ones

Well,  I was gonna get my hair done and a french mani pedi, but I don't think I can afford it.

My brakes began screeching and grinding on last Monday and I didn't have the money to get them fixed and I still needed to go to work and other places, so I drove.  Carefully, but I still drove.  The noise was aweful!!! The grinding was like nails on a chalk board.  So, what was I supposed to do?????

I knew I was gonna get paid on today, so I waited until today to go to the shop to get them looked at.  However, when I got there the service guy (who was a former student of mine) said he couldn't fit me into his schedule until Friday and maybe he could squeeze me in on Thursday.  I asked him to give me a rough estimate.  He quoted $250-$280.  WHAT????  Since when did brakes cost so much??!!!!

I mean, I know I needed to get my rotors done also, but that was only gonna cost about $100.  Brakes shouldn't cost more than $50-$60.

NOPE, that's not what he said.

The brake pads were gonna cost at least $35 each ($70) and the rotors was gonna cost at least $50 each ($100) and then I needed to pay for labor which totaled over $50.  WOW!!!

So of course I looked on the internet to see if the cost were different and I'm not sure why I need ceramic brake pads anyway.  Why can't I just use the regular kind?  My car is a 2004, I don't want to have it too much longer, so why am I buying these expensive parts?  The regular parts will do just fine.  DAG!!!

Now, I need to find a new mechanic.  I don't want to, but I can't afford to pay that much.  I was thinking about paying around $150 and no more.  UGH!!!!

I don't want to find some jack leg mechanic that works under the tree out front that is half drunk while he's working.  I want to find quality work, and I know it will cost, but ITS BRAKES.  How hard can that be??  Jack the car, take the wheel of and change it.  It's not like you have to go under the hood.

I wonder if the technical academy students can do if for me for a cheaper price.  I'm living on a budget!!!!!

I know, I know....

I was gonna use some of my money to get my nails and hair done, but that was only gonna cost me $12 for my hair and maybe $30 for a mani pedi?!

Anyway, while I was leaving the auto shop, I came to a stop, heard a pop and something metal dropped to the ground.  I was afraid because I was on an incline and my car seemed like it didn't want to stop.  So I said a prayer and it took me some time to ease out into traffic because I didn't know if my brakes were gonna give out of me or what.  So I got of my car and looked and sure enough my brake bad was on the ground.

How did that happen???  OH GOD!!!!!

Now I really need to get my brakes done.

We have a technical academy where students are learning how to work on cars.  I'm gonna call them to see if they can help a sister out.

Light & Darkness Has No Fellowship

I was itching a little.  Coach sent me the text and it was on my mind.  I didn't want to text him back, but he was in the back of my mind.

Another man was in the back of my mind also....

About 4 or 5 years ago I met Roy.  He was my friends brother (she didn't know that her brother and I were dating).  Well, he left me.  Everything was good and then he wouldn't return my calls.  For weeks I called and stopped by his house, but nothing.  Made me feel horrible.  Then just like that he called and wanted to pick things up just like nothing happened.  (That sounds like Coach, now that I think about it).  Well, I told him that I wasn't interested and I didn't look back.

Well, this guy has been trying to contact me on facebook.  He left me a message last year and again a few days ago.

IGNORE!!

Yep, I ignored him AND Coach.

But, I still had an itch.

However, that all changed when this morning at church.  My Apostle simply said to us who have been having issues with relationships, "If he is not save and you are, leave him along..."  "Light and Darkness has no fellowship."  PERIOD.  So be obedient to the word of God.

AND that's what I'm going to do.  I don't have the itch anymore.  THANK GOD!!!

The Worst Ever....What WAS I Thinking?

I used to hate cooking when I was little.  I am the eldest of 7 children.  My stepfather was an alcoholic so, he wasn't able to care for us well.  I always thought of myself as the second mama because my responsibility was to keep the house clean, make sure that my bros and sis took their bath and had on clean clothes, and most importantly make sure they ate.  So, I spend hours in the kitchen cooking.  Then, during Thanksgiving and Christmas I had to help my mother in the kitchen and we would spend hours after hours in the kitchen cooking. I used to hate it.  So when I became and adult, I didn't want to cook.  I wanted to be an independent woman who didn't have to cook for anyone.  But, as I got older, I realized that men loved a woman who could cook and that it is a great skill to have.  I mean, you spend less money cooking your own food than trying to go out all the time to eat good food, right?  So, for the past 5 or 6 years, I've been developing my craft and I can say (if I may) that there are some things that I've gotten pretty good at cooking.  No, I have not become an expert in fried chicken, but my cornbread dressing IS TO DIE FOR.

I first attempted cornbread dressing when Mister and I were together Thanksgiving 2004.  It wasn't that bad, I just put too much sage in the dressing.  And the bread crumbs had not absorbed the stock....Well, it wasn't so good, but I it was a good effort.  Well, I learned not to use sage and I learned some other techniques that have me craving for a good batch of the stuff.  Which is what I did this weekend.

I set out to make some dressing, but I didn't have any cornbread mix.  I know, I know, I use a mix, but it makes it taste good!!  So, looked up a recipe and realized that I had all the ingredients except baking powder.  Hmmm.  I also didn't have any gas or minutes for my prepaid cell phone, so I humbled myself and asked a friend to borrow some money. Well, it was two friends that I asked.  So, I put gas in my car, bought a prepaid phone card and headed to the grocers for baking powder.  I got back home and was excited.  My mouth was watering.  I couldn't wait for my fantastic cornbread dressing with a side of cranberry sauce (even though it needs no cranberry sauce or gravy).

After about 25 minutes in the oven, it was still not done.  Hmmm.  5 more minutes in the oven and it was still kind of odd and something was wrong.  It didn't look nice and fluffy.  It actually looked hard and crusty, but the center wasn't done.  Huh??  What???  WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CORNBREAD??

It was finally done, but it was very dense.  Like pound cake instead of light and moist like regular cake.  Hmmm.  I mixed the cornbread with my bread crumbs, sauteed the onions and celery and cooked and crumbled the italian turkey sausage.  I mixed it all together and UGH!!!!  IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!!  Even cranberry sauce couldn't make it taste good.  UGH!!!!

I've never made dressing this gross.  I can't remember ever making anything THAT gross.  But, you know what???  I ate it.  HAHAHA.  Yep, I ate it because we dont' throw away good food.  That's the way I was taught.  If it's not rotten, you eat it.

So, I'm stuck with a pan of gross dressing and a craving for GOOD dressing.

Then I got to thinking....Why didn't I just by cornbread mix instead of baking powder???  What was I thinking??  Cornbread mix cost .45.  Baking Powder cost $1.55????  I could have gotten 3 boxes instead of the baking powder.  I have no idea what I was thinking!!!!!!  LOLOLOLOLOL

So, when I get paid on Tuesday, my first thing will be to buy cornbread mix and more sausage and celery so that I can make my awesome cornbread dressing  I might even add pears to it!

Sometimes I feel like a fatherless child...

On Monday at prayer our Apostle challenged us.  He said to pray for someone and after praying for that person contact them to speak the mind, will, purpose, and plan of God in his/her life.  

I called everyone in my family with the exception of my dad.  When I called my brother he called me back about 15 minutes later.  

We talked for almost an hour and during our conversation we talked about our dad.  My brother told me how hurt he was for dad to leave and not come back.  Then to show up ten years later with an apology.  My brother was so hurt and bitter that he said he couldn't forgive him.  I told him how God healed me and how he needed for forgive him--not that it would be easy, but he NEEDED to find a way to forgive.  He told me that he heard me and that he would think about it.  I pray that he does.  I've met so many people who have been consumed with unforgiveness--even myself and how that unforgiveness can cause such turmoil and torment in a person's life.  

Coach is riddled with unforgiveness.  He's riddled with hurt from the painful childhood.  I don't want to be sucked into that pain.  I don't want my brother to be consumed by pain.  I don't want it to ruin his life by causing bad decisions.....

And now it begins....

My church was on  a 21 day fast staring January 1.  So, we just finished last Saturday.  I was happy during the fast--reading my Bible, praying, and most of all I wasn't talking to Coach or anyone else from my past.

Remember, Coach was the guy from this blog post.  

I got a text from him today something about why I'm not speaking to him.  WHAT????  Is he delusional?????

God, I really don't want to go through this with him again.  Please GOD!!!!  What is he doing????  What is wrong with him????  I yelled at me because I cancelled lunch.  Then he got mad at me because I told him that he wasn't the only one who was in so much pain that they wanted to "check out of here."

He acted like I didn't matter.  Like I didn't understand.  Of course, I wasn't in his specific situation, but I understand pain.  I've been there and it was real.  More importantly I understand WHO healed me from the pain.  It took GOD to heal me!!  I couldn't do it alone!!

So, why is he contacting me???

Interview News

I had my interview at the health department on Wednesday.

I made it home from work around noon to prepare for my interview at 2:30.  I got my best suit out and ironed it.  I needed to be dry cleaned, but since my funds were low, I wasn't able to get it cleaned.  So I did my best with ironing it.  Around 1:45 I began getting dressed which including making sure my hair was neat (I hated my hairstyle, but there was nothing I could do about it.)  I got my clothes on and put my suit jacket on and was nervous because it was still wrinkled.  GRRRR!!!  I steamed ironed it, but it still didn't get all the wrinkles out.  So, I had to use a back-up jacket that didn't quite match my pants.  When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see a business woman, I saw a woman who was dressed to go to work.  You know what I mean....

I looked like this:






instead of like this:


Also, I had on brown socks that showed when I sat down.  I wasn't as confident as I would have liked to be, but it was after 2pm and I needed to be heading out the door.

I arrived at the health department at 2:20pm and sat and waited, and waited, and waited some more.  Finally, a woman walked out the door.  I assumed this lady had just completed her interview because she walked right past me and, not even speaking.  She was a nice looking, older woman.  She also didn't have on a matching suit jacket and pants, but she was well dressed.

A few minutes later B came to get my.  I fumbled a bit with the handshake because I had my coat, a scarf and a portfolio with me.

The interview went smoothly....

Tell me about a time you had conflict at work?

I told her about the time when I got offended because my co-workers didn't want me to train them.

Tell me about a time when you failed on a project?

I told her about the time I planned a trip for some students to go to dinner and the theatre.  We went to see the Lion King and afterwards to an Ethipopian restaurant.  The students HATED the restaurant and complained and asked if they could stop at McDonalds on the way home.  I was so embarrassed, but I told her that I learned that I should have prepared them better for the restaurant--you had to eat with your hands that these were students who weren't that adventurous.

Tell me about and advertisement that was the best and worst that you've seen?
I told her about the Quiznos commercial that had a singing mouse--not a mouse like Mickey or Chucky Cheese, but a small, furry rodent.  That was not very appetizing for Quiznos.

I then told her that there is something about Taco Bell commercials that just compel me to get some Taco Bell.  I'm not even a huge fan of Taco Bell, but their commercials have the food looking so delicious.

There were quite a few other questions.  The interview lasted over and hour.  Then I asked her some questions:

What type of training/staff development is available?

Where does she see the position going in 5 years?
I found out that this was a newly created position that was grant funded until December.  Therefore, the person in the position would need to help in seeking to sustain the position.

What are her thoughts on going from a "one woman" department to not inviting a team member?

What do you like most and least bout the job that she is doing?

There were a few other questions, but it was overall a good interview.  B told me that they would be calling for 2nd interviews in two weeks.  So, I'm hopefull.

I just did a google search of B and I knew I recognized her from somewhere.  She was the president of HSAC and I went to the HSAC banquet this summer because the NP that I volunteer with was receiving an award.  If I get hired, I'm gonna send her the picture of herself that I have.  Small world!!