Do You Even Believe God?

I feel like God is saying, "T, that's enough....."

I've got problems....we all do, but my problems (being sexually abuse at a young age and being a victim of incest), has stifled me so much. I live in fear, but I feel like God is saying to me...."Quit it, I can't deal...."

How many times am I going to allow my body to rule me when God has told me over and over and over again? I've been doing things (going through to motions), but I haven't really just stopped and trusted God. When Jesus says, "Be healed," that's what happens. He told the man that was crippled for 38 long years to just get up and walk. Then he told him not to sin again unless something worse would happen.

He told Moses because of his disbelief (which lead to his disobedience) that he wouldn't see the promised land....the thing that God promised him, he would not get.

There are things that God has promised me and I want to get them, but I have to BELIEVE God. Fear is lack of belief. The only reason a person fears is because they don't BELIEVE God. Think about a child, when you have a child that is standing on the ledge and their daddy or mama says to jump, that child doesn't think anything because they trust their mom or dad. They just jump. But, let somebody else come in and say jump....they don't trust that person. So they won't jump.

I was listening to man who was teaching 2 and 3 year olds how to swim. He dealt with this all the time...the children who are afraid to jump...they have floaties on and he is standing right there, but they fear. Sometimes someone behind them will just push them and as they are screaming and hollering in fear, they are pushed and they find that they land safely in the water. God is just like that....but the problem with me is this....

I know I have no excuses.....

But, I look at my track record, I haven't been so faithful to God so I don't expect Him to be faithful to me, but the thing about obedience is that God doesn't care about the past. He just knows what He said right now...

So, God, please forgive me and I pray for your EVERLASTING MERCY AND GRACE!!