Mister and I have been having an intense conversation about our daughter and it has ended in world war 3.
Backstory....
Mister and I met in 2002. When we met, it was like how they describe love at first sight. He saw me and I saw him and we both were smitten with each other. However, at that time I was involved in a relationship and he had a cuddy buddy. The relationship that I was involved in was not a good one, I was highly emotional and my hormones kept me tied to him. However, during November 2002, we broke up and I waited for Mister to speak to me again.
That time came in February 2003. My ex-bf decided to visit me at work--some excuse about signing up for school (I worked at a community college. Mister worked there too and was also a student.) As he was leaving I mentioned to Mister that I wasn't with him anymore. This opened the door, "Really," he said, "I know someone who is interested in you." The conversation ended with me giving him my number. He called and we made a date to go to see a high school concert that my brothers were playing at.
After the concert I ran home to change and we made plans to get something to eat at Steak-N-Shake. As we were sitting down talking he told me that he believed in God, but he didn't believe that Jesus was the son of God. Immediately in my head I heard, "Run, get out of here...." Not because he didn't believe that Jesus was the son of God, but because this was NOT the guy that I needed to hook up with. If he didn't believe and have the same values that I had, that meant that this would not be anything more than a friendship at best. But, I sat there. Instead of having the courage to leave I sat there and we talked some more and we flirted. Heavily.....
YEP, this was why God was telling me to leave....
After all the flirting we talked on the phone late that night and he ended up in my bed.
Let me pause right here and explain more about why I should have left when I heard God say leave.
God knows EVERYTHING!! And he knows about people and what's in their heart. He knows what we like and don't like and how some things we like are NOT good for us. So He, in his infinite love and wisdom, tries to keep us away from things that are NOT good for us. However, when we don't listen it sets off a domino effect of bad things that happen because really when we disobey what He tells us to do, we actually end up with a curse on our head and only obedience will reverse the curse.
What is a curse?
A curse when we speak things or do things that invite the devil to operate in our lives. We know that God is good and the devil is bad, so if there is something bad happening, it doesn't come from God, its simply allowing God give the devil the "ok" to do something bad. God controls the devil. When we are disobedient to God, it gives the devil the "ok" to cause us harm and that harm often times helps us to realize that what we did was wrong and we learn to not do that thing again. Kind of like when our parents tell us not to do something and we do it and end up being punished. We learn to not do that again.
So, this began a curse in the relationship.
I was listening to someone talk one time and they said that no man who doesn't love God should ever date a girl who loves God because she will always break his heart. Meaning that she knows that by dating a man who doesn't love God is inviting a curse into her life, so she's always going to go back to God.
Anyway....
Our relationship was up and down--the rockiest relationship EVER because the sex was good, but I didn't love him. I loved God so I couldn't be comfortable in the relationship. I couldn't be me because me was not falling for someone who didn't love God like I loved God. So I would break up with him and then get back with him and he'd always let me back until one day he just got tired of me and said that was it. However, we still continued to sleep together. The problem was, when he broke up with me, I had a one night stand with the ex that I had broken up with the year before and I ended up pregnant.
Yep, in February 2004 (a year after God told me what not to do) I ended up pregnant and I did not know who the baby daddy was.
And I was so ashamed.
And I was so embarrassed.
And I was so crazy.
I immediately made it up in my mind that me and Mister was done. However, because I couldn't control my body I still slept with him. Then he told me he was leaving town to get a new job and I was happy so I started the procedures for an adoption. However, the curse wasn't gonna let me get off that easy....he lost the job that he had gotten before he even started. So he wasn't moving and I didn't know how to tell him that I was pregnant because I wasn't for sure that baby was his and I didn't know how not want to be with him because it wasn't just the sex. I got emotionally involved with him. And when your body and heart is connected to someone it's hard to break that connection.
So I didn't say anything....
But he figured it out. I mean I was 20 weeks preggers and my belly was bulging. When he asked I said yes I was pregnant and he didn't say anything for a long time. We were laying the bed watching television. "Do you wanna get married?" he asked. "Not because I'm pregnant," is what I said. So I really didn't answer his questions. But, that triggered a reaction in him and he immediately began planning for our future. A few weeks later he came with me to a doctor's visit and we saw on the ultrasound that it was a girl. He was over joyed. But, I had this secret. A month later I was in labor....
To be continued...
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