Anxiety

I'm sitting here feeling really anxious. It started on yesterday. Actually, it started some weeks some months ago, but now it's coming to a head. I've been planning to work on this grant that is extremely difficult. I though that I could just copy information from one to another, but it's way harder than that. I don't have the motivation to get it done, but I need to because it will help me!! It will help me in a way that I need to be helped. I NEED to challenge myself knowing that I did everything I could to get the job done, but the problem is I am not doing everything I need to do. I'm procrastinating. So I was going to just let it go and not do it. However, now another grant has come up and I'm anxious because I think it will come up....sounds confusing I know. but the grant that I'm working on, I didn't tell anyone that I was working on it. But now that the other grant is here, everyone has the email. So that means it has to be addressed.

So, now I have anxiety about it because I believe that we are going to work on it and not get it. Failure and I don't want to deal with the failure. The problem is how do I know we are going to fail? I'm basing all of this on past failures. But, the past is NOT now!!!! The past is NOT now!!!!

The second anxiety started on yesterday. I had an idea of a painting and I've been working on that idea and it has not been coming to fruition, but I got a call from the founder on yesterday and now I have to do the painting and I don't want to fail at it, so it is giving me anxiety.

And I want to deal with this anxiety and NOT run from it.

So I'm going to work out!!

Btw, Mister was in town on yesterday....I found out on FB. Oh boy....