Nasty & Filthy

I had a dream this morning and it was so disturbing that I wanted to wake up.

Somehow I was in prison and upon my release I went home to a duplex and once I got inside it was so nasty and filthy. I can't really describe it, but as I went from one room to the next, I was more and more surprised as to how it could get worse and worse. Then I went to one room and there was a small child in that room. I recognized the child as my neighbor's child (no one I knew) and then I went to another room and the floor was so gross, sticky and just plain gross and there was another of my neighbor's children in that room. For some reason I felt like my neighbor had a lot of children, but I couldn't figure out why they were in my house and why my house was so nasty. The place was so nasty that I tried to wake myself up.

Eventually, I woke up and inquired unto God as to the meaning of the dream. I mean, I can be junky sometimes, but not like that. I mean, every once in a while I leave dishes in the sink, but nothing like that.

God was showing me my insides...

I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been faithful in keeping my life clean. My goal is sanctification and holiness, but my body is opposed to that goal. My body likes sex and sex as an unmarried person is unclean and unholy. I know the times we are living in...you know, it's your thing, do what you want to do with it. We are in the "DO YOU" society. But, there is still a standard to holiness and Right is STILL right and sin is STILL sin, regardless of what laws they pass.

So, I've got to get back together....

Business Planning

I'm working on a business plan for the nonprofit. It's for a for profit entity that will raise money, but also train people to become self-sufficient. The plan is to open a ice cream/candy shack and have people learn to run it and expand. This will grow into a career development program for youth and individuals.

Faux Mister

I signed up for a dating website and I'm not happy with it, but I've already paid until December, so I'm going to use it. Within about a week of signing up, I met a guy from NC. I'll call him Faux Mister and I'll explain why....

When we first talked, it was really cool. There seemed to be a connection. He was talkative and we laughed a lot and then we started hanging out on google and that was fun. He'd sprinkle little flirts in our conversation...One our first google hangout, he said, as we were talking about something, "Is this our first date?" and quickly went on to the next subject. It was cute, but I never fed into it because....HE LIVES IN NC. I was cool with us being friends, but moving is not in my dating profile.

Some things I found out about him that I liked...he had a MBA from SIUC. He grew up in IL. He had military background and had a good sense of humor. As the weeks went on, he began divulging stuff about his past--his mom beat him and his siblings. He has a hard time trusting women.

None of this really bothered me because EVERYONE has a past and my mom was not the best disciplinarian. But then one day he was talking about his past and curse words started coming out. I didn't condemn him, but it was kinda unexpected because for weeks I had not heard him talk like this. Then somehow I asked him where he lived and he divulged that he lived in a a halfway house. He didn't call it that. I called it that. He called it a home for ex-substance abusers. He even gave me the website to look it up. He said that he didn't drink, but he never really told me EXACTLY how he got there. Something about leaving his baby mama and needing a place to stay....not sure what that has to do with a home for ex-substance abusers. But, RED FLAG....

Then one day he was talking and talking about his past abuse and how all of this was linked to slavery and being beaten by the slave owners and he was going on and on and cursing up a store.

WAIT.....

I wasn't really listening, but this was sounding too much like previous relationships. I mean when Coach and I dated, that's what he focused on when we first met--how his mom beat him and he ended up being adopted.

As time goes on and we talk, he's reminding me more and more of Mister and Coach. Of course he's not quite like them, but I recognize him as the TYPE of man that I've fallen for in the past.

AND frankly, I'm SICK of it.

I WANT a man who is WHOLE. I know I have my issues, but OLD stuff is OLD and I'm not letting that burden me anymore and I'm too old to be trying to SAVE a guy from his jacked up life.

No, I'm not ALL THAT and I still have issues, but I see the pattern and I'm NOT going down that rabbit hole again.

So, I will be friends, but that's ALL. I will minister to him the word of God, but as far as I see he has nothing to offer me!!

Time To Transition

The weather has been so nice. Like REALLY nice and we are at the end of October, but the past two days it's been raining which brought the cold weather and I'm fighting a cold--the 3rd, 4th, or 5th cold I've had this year. I've never been so sick in my life. This is a testament to me not taking care of myself and not sleeping well.

But, all of that is going to change because as the weather is turning, so is my life!

I'm meeting with a financial consultant on Monday to help me with my finances--I need $5000 in 60 days to buy my house.

I'm looking at changing my schedule so that I can work out at least 30 minutes a day. And I'm praying and reading my word more. Not as much as I like, but I'm making strides.

I went to the movies to watch The Intern. It was such a cute movie, but I didn't realize that it was a "date-night" movie. I thought it was about the old guy, it turns out to be about the young girl and her life and love. Dag....I felt sappy in the theater all by myself. The feeling didn't last long, but it was there....

Hopefully, those lonely dates won't be for to much longer!

Don't Mess With My Money

I just got paid today...and I was shocked!!! My check was short. Daaaannnnggggggg....

I looked up my paystub to find that there was an IW offset of $560. WHAT IS THAT????? I emailed my boss because I know the state of Illinois is going through some issues, but what does that mean--IW offset?? So I googled and as always (most of the time) google has answered my questions.

Because I am a state of Illinois employee, any money that I owe to a state agency can be deducted from my paycheck. Case in point--summer tuition. I took a summer class at the U of I (stupid economics) and the tuition was about $1300 and I hate bills like that so I hadn't set up a payment plan and I was paying it off, but I guess not fast enough, so that state just took the last of the money that was owed--$560.

Man, I had plans for that money. But, I'm happy it's paid off. Now I can sigh up for class in the spring and I can set up a payment plan so that this doesn't happen again.

Business Planning

I'm working on a business plan and I'm so excited. It is a challenge, but I'm using sba.gov!!

My Other Vision

And the LORD answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. Habakkuk 2:2

The other thing that came to me as the man of God was ministering was a wall in my house that has a canvas on it that is as large as the wall and on the canvas there is a picture that depicts "The Journey."

"The Journey" is from childhood to the end. And it depicts specific times in my life.

I'll have "The Journey" on my child's room wall too when he or she is born and this will help to keep him or her focused on their purpose in life.

Now I gotta find a huge canvas.....