It Was His Grandfather

I posted about one of the young people that I work with. And I was so bothered. I didn't know what to do. It was crazy. I decided to try to call him again to see what was going on and he answered. I was nervous, so I wasn't sure about asking for him.

"Is this *****," I asked sheepishly trying to convey confidence. I rehashed the story and he told me it was his grandfather.

WHEW!!!!

So relieved!!!!!

He said his mother unplugged the phone so that's why I couldn't get through. So, the other number that he had listed was his grandmother's and he is named after his grandfather. OMG!!!

I'm so relieve my stomach hurts. LOL. I was so concerned. I was trying to pray. That's too much stress!!

No, NO, and NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!

I just talked to one of my bosses and she needs me to work in the St. Clair county area. The same area where I'm from and the same area where "married man" is from.  WHY, OH WHY???

I DO NOT want to see this man, but this is a temptation and I NEED God to help me!!!!!!!!!

God, I know you hear me when I pray. Help me with this one!! In Jesus Name, Amen.

Btw, I'm a little sad that I'm dealing with this. This is pathetic and not something that I should be dealing with. OMG!!  What has gotten into me??

All the Makings of Danger

I am absolutely not going to be in relationship with a married man. NOPE, not at all!!

It has all the makings of DANGER!!!!!

All types of bells and whistles going off!!! There is no need to keep going when you see the warning signs. So, I won't be going home this weekend.  My other absolutes:

I WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT.....

1. Be friends with a married man.
2. Marry a man who doesn't love God.
3. Marry a man who is a drunkard
4. Marry a man who doesn't take care of his kids.
5. Not shack.
6. Not fornicate.
7.
8.
9.

My safeguards....
1. I will not hang out with a married man.
2. I will not text and inbox a married man.
3. I will not establish a relationship with a married man.
4.
5.

I need to have ASSETS in my life. Not LIABILITIES!!

To be continued......

Why, Married Men, Why??

I HATE facebook. Yep, just hate it. But sometimes I've got to use it. I get on to see how my fam doing and sometimes I'm looking up stuff for work. And while doing that I get caught up in seeing all the stuff people have on there. UGH!!!  Then occassionally I get a message or two from someone that I DO NOT WANT to talk to. OMG.

So, this is what happened recently. I logged on and I get a message from a guy in high school. I respond to the friend request and message him back. BUT....before I message him back I check out his page.  I see vacay pics with children and a woman, but his status doesn't say if he's married. I read a few post and one mentions his wife.  Hmmmmm....what's the deal with that?!

So, he asked me if I ever get home and I tell him that I do. "So, that would be and opportunity to see you," is what he said in my response to coming home. I told him I would keep him posted.

WHY OH WHY???

So, now my mind is ....A seed is planted and surely my plan was to get home soon.

I make plans for this weekend and I let him know. We then get to talking about his life--two sons and wife. He then tells me that he liked me in high school.

Okay......????

He wanted to know why I didn't like him?

What??

That was high school....20 years ago?!!!

Why does that matter now? You have a wife and two sons. I barely remember high school, let alone why I didn't like someone.  DAG!!

But, the little seed was planted and he's an attractive guy. BUT.....he's married.

Oh God!!!! What is wrong??

No, I've made plans to see him and I KNOW this is NOT good. Now I need a back out plan. Actually, I think I can still go home, but not see him alone. I can get my eyebrows done at his job. He's a barber and that will be safe?????

Hurting Heart

"Hello, this is T****** from ********. I'm trying to reach *******, I said to the woman answering the phone. I had called and called, but the answering machine had not picked up so I called ther emergency contact number.

I had just talked to ****** on Monday or was it Tuesday. I asked him if he was available to work with us on tomorrow.  He said he was. He sounded happy and chipper. When I called him I expected to talk to the answering machine. I almost always talk to the answering machine. But no, he picked up and I told him I would call him back the next day to let him know that time. But, I didn't call him back the next day because my partner had not gotten back to me.  So I called him back today, almost 5 days later.

"******** is dead," said the woman who answered the phone.

I was speechless. NEVER in a million years would I have expected that response.

At first I was thinking that maybe she was talking about his father. I mean father's die. They get old and they die. But not 16 year old kids.

"Hello," the woman said when I didn't respond.

I responded. I don't remember what I said.

"So take him off the list, said the woman."

I said "OK" and we hung up.

I wanted to say more. I wanted to ask who she was. I wanted to ask how, why?  But, I was speechless. I felt like I had been punched or somehow the wind was knocked out of my.

What do you say when you call someone to work and you there that they are dead. I mean someone you know that you had just talked to.

I mean, I didn't know him well, but we had worked with him twice before and he was a quirky kid. Kind of goofy, but likeable. He asked me if he could use me as a reference. Of course he could. I had no problems with him.

So, dead is not what I expected to hear.

I was too shocked to know how to respond. So I went back to watch TV. But I was bothered. I couldn't watch TV. So I a back up. I mean I still have to work. I barely knew the kid. The backup wasn't available, so I called my partner to tell her. I left her a message. I'm glad her voicemail picked up. I was getting emotional and didn't want to cry. I mean, I"m an emotional person. I've been watching Oprah all day after church and I've been boohooing.

I went back to try to watch TV, but the spirit of what she said to me was trying to cover me. I mean, I hear that when some people are depressed, it's like wearing a coat of sadness. The depression wraps itself around them. This news, this bad news was attaching itself to me. So finally I prayed. "The blood of Jesus," is mostly what I prayed. I prayed for the family.  Then I searched the internet. Usually when people die, there is something on facebook. Not sure why, but before the family can be informed sometimes, it's on facebook first. So I searched for him and couldn't find anything. Then I found his facebook page and nothing. No "RIP" messages.

Was this real?

I called one of my bosses. She had referred him to us. I left her a message.  When she referred him she said she knew his sister. So surely, she could find out.

Now I'm here...processing because writing is the way I process. I tried to watch Martin. Tried to laugh, but I am so bothered. I texted all my loved ones to let them know that I love the. It's sad the only person who immediately responded was a nonrelative. WOW. Finally one of my sister's replied....

Life is short....

Thanks For the Visit

I'm always happy when Aunt Flo visits. It signifies that my body is working properly. I thin I missed her last month. Actually, I know I missed her last month. With the stress of moving and and not knowing where I was gonna live and what was going on in my life...she took a hiatus. So, when she shows up it lets me know that I'm not as stressed.

I've been looking and looking at homes. I haven't contacted the bank yet, but there are so many affordable homes. I can't wait until the 15th.

FPU tells me not to make any large purchases during the class, but I NEED a place to live ASAP. I love being able to live with my friend, but she doesn't want me there. It's becoming a burden. I don't have a key and she leaves her door unlocked and she's concerned about that and I live in a room. I can't have my stuff and I can't cook what I want. It's better than my other friend, but it's not home and not comfortable.

So, I pray and pray that the home loan goes through. I NEED it to go through!!

I have faith that it will and I'm not doubting.  God is good like that.

I was reminded of the jacket that I bought. I searched and searched and I had a specific price in mind....

If God can do that, surely he can help me get a place to live.

I AM SLEEPY

I do not wanna get sick again, but I NEED some sleep. I have been driving from pillar to post all around town, carting people around. I don't mind it, but it's getting to be a burden.