Learning to balance a checkbook

I got my first checking acount when I was 18 in college.  During that time no one had taught me how to balance a checkbook, so I fumbled through it.  I was never really consistant with keeping the records, therefore, it became a tedious task that I never quite mastered.  Yep, I'm almost 35 and I have struggled with balancing my checkbook because of poor record keeping. 

You see, balancing a checkbook is easiest when you write the information down as soon as you write the check.  Otherwise you have to backtrack and going backwards was hard for me, so I would always mess it up.  Eventually over time, with the advent of the internet and online banking I learning that it was easier (for me) to constantly look up records online.  However, that still didn't work fully because sometimes I would not be near the internet or I'd forget about a check that I had written that hadn't cleared yet, etc. And every year I'd still owe the bank money because of my lack of consistency and my cavalier attitude towards banking.  However, because I'm strapped for cash, I've been more meticulous.  Not in balancing my checkbook, because I decided to work smarter and not harder.  Instead of writing checks or going to the ATM, I would simply go to the bank and write a check for "CASH" if I needed to buy something.  If I didn't have any money, I didn't buy it.  No overdrafts, no worries, right???  WRONG!!

Well, I eventually ran out of checks and began writing counter checks or as the bank calls it a debit transaction to my account.  It was the same as writing a check for "CASH" with the exception of me filling out a little more information--name, account number and drivers license number, etc.  So, instead of having the computer read my account number from a check, the computer would read the account number I had written.  I didn't think this was a big deal until yesterday.

I went to the bank to get $10 for gas and was told my account was overdrawn $103.  WHAT???  HOW????  SOMETHING HAS GONE TERRIBLY WRONG!! 

After work I went in and asked how is it possible for me to write a debit for "CASH" and a teller give me the money if it's not in my account.  Apparently it's simple.   The computer couldn't read my hand writting.  So, my cash transaction wasn't entered into the computer until after i wrote another cash debit for more than what I had in the bank.  WHAT!!! 

I expressed to customer service that I did not understand this.  Fortunately, by the grace of GOD I was refunded the $75 bank fees and my account was only overdrawn the $28 that I had written for over the amount.  I came to the conclusion, with the help of the Melissa, the customer service rep, that I needed a bank register and that I can make a mistake and that bank can also make a mistake, so it's better to keep meticulous records!!!

I left uplighted with my bank register in hand.......

Why Oh Why

I thank God for my trials.  The Bible says that in this world we will have tribulation and test and trials, but man when they come, I just have to ask the questions, WHY???  Am I supposed to learning something from this???  What is the purpose of this????

In the past I have had a hard time with banks.  I never learned to be studious when it comes to balancing a checkbook.  I could do it, but I never took the time too, so I would always experience overdraft fees.  Well, I decided that to combat that and to keep my money in my pocket instead of it going to the bank, I would simply do cash transactions at the bank.  Each time I needed money, I would simply go to the bank, write  check for "Cash" and they would give me what was in my account.  Well, I eventually ran out of check so, I would simply write a "debit" transaction that was similar to writing a check for cash.  If there is no money in the bank, I would not be able to write the check or the debit, right?  WRONG!!!  There was a computer glitch and it has caused my account to be overdrawn over $100.  I CAN"T AFFORD TO BE OVERDRAWN THAT MONEY!!  I made a commitment to PAY ALL MY BILLS ON TIME THIS YEAR AND TO GET OUT OF DEBT.  THIS YEAR!!!  So, how am I supposed to do that when the bank is taking MY MONEY!!!  I checked my account and it stated that I had about $11 and some change, but really I had no money because something screwed up with the computer.  Now I have to go to the bank to get this figured out.  WHAT????  I know this is simply a test and a trial, because there is absolutely no reason why this should be happening.  But, I'm gonna deal with it because they CAN'T TAKE MY MONEY!!!

The only reason I know that this has even happened is because I went to the bank this morning to get $10 to get some gas to go to work and the teller let me know this.  I was confused at first so she printed out the transaction record and according to the record, I had $421.26 in the bank and I wrote a debit for $450 and they GAVE ME THE MONEY.  WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE??  Why would I be given more money than I have?  WHY??  Well, since there is a glitch then they should fix it!!!!

Another Job Interview

On last week I applied for a job as a Health Educator for the local health department.  I was optomistic and hopeful and on yesterday I was called for a job interview for next Wednesday at 2:30pm.  I'm excited.  I prayed to God that I would get a job because I got my credit report and outside of my student loan, I have over $7,000 in debt that I NEED TO PAY!!!  This debt includes a $3,500 car loan that is supposed to be paid by March and a $3,500 debt that I owe my old landlord.  The others are hospital bills that I need to pay and I believe there are three of them, all over $300.  I also prayed for a fulltime job because I NEED SOME HEALTH INSURANCE!!  I need to go to the doctor.  I haven't had my annual exam since 2009.  And I need to go to the dentist!!  I'm not sure when my unemployment benefits will run out, but right now I'm getting extended benefits.  I'm not allowed to get food stamps anymore because I make too much money with my part time job, so I need money to buy food!!  So, I pray that the will of God be done as I go for my interview on Wednesday, In JESUS name, Amen!!

Healing is the Children's Bread

At the first of the year at my church, we fast for 21 days.  When we fast, we don't simply go without food, we limit what we eat until 7pm and then we eat baked fish (chicken for those who are allergic) and steamed veggies, brown rice, etc.  We also deny ourselves of television and anything that is unnecessary.

So, I've been fasting and on last week, I was sitting on the sofa reading.  This was right before 7pm, so I had food in the oven baking...

All of a sudden I was experiencing shortness of breath.  It was like my lungs couldn't get enough air, my throat felt like it was being blocked and I started scratching my neck and I stood up to put my hands over my head to get more air into my lungs.  It was like I was having some type of attack.  I've never had asthma, but in the past I've had allergies, but this was different.  This was a sudden onset of an attack.  I grabbed my blessed oil, said a little prayer and told God that I didn't have any money to go to the emergency room.

A short time later (maybe 10 minutes) the attack was over.  God answered my prayers!!!

It's little miracles like that that makes me want to live for Christ!!  So, I thank God for the miracle of healing!!!  I thank God that He loves me enough to show me kindness by healing me from that attack!!

Dreamin

I had a dream other day...

In the dream I was at my grandmother's house with my two of my brothers.  My brothers were teenagers.  We were in my aunt's room playing games.  I got up to look out the window and I saw a police car.  When I saw the police car, I went to the front door because someone was at the door.  I looked through the glass door and saw a police officer.  I opened door to a tall, woman officer.  She had long hair and she was a pretty woman.  I asked her if I could help her and she stated that she needed a bottle of water, so I invited her into the kitchen.  As we got into the kitchen the woman began to attack me and we began fighting.  My brothers were in the other room and one of them called someone on the phone for help.  The fight ensued into the bedroom where my brother's were.  The woman told me she had a gun and I began wrestling with her to make sure that she didn't have any hidden weapons.  As the fight was going on, she pulled out a pocket knife.  Somehow, I looked out the window and saw some guys removing the police car and bringing her real car, which was an older modeled car.  At this point, I realized she was an impersonator.  My brother's and I began to overtake her.  We began to break her legs.  I'm not sure when we killed her, but we did.  After killing her, we took her body, cut her head off and threw it in the yard.  I'm not sure when, but we also mangled her face, so she was unrecognizable.  She was in a heap in the yard, but it didn't look like a body.  Surprisingly, there was no blood from us killing her.

God was letting me know how easily I was deceived.  She looked like a police officer, she dressed in the uniform and even drove the car, but he goal was to attack.

For the past two years, I was deceived by a man who looked like he was supposed to be with me, he sounded like and even told me over and over again how he was gonna marry me, but he was an impostor--a fake!! And I opened the door for him to come in and I was attacked mentally and emotionally.

One thing about God is that he loves me and even though I went though that, I didn't lose my life.  The enemy attacked me, but THANKS BE TO GOD, that I have killed the enemy in my mind.  I'm not subject to that deception any longer.  THANKS BE TO GOD who always causes me to triumph!!! 2 Corinthians 2:14

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

I am so grateful to God for having a place to live for Christmas. This time last year, I was living with my friend Jenny. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but it's nothing like having your own place to lay your head. I thank God for unemployment. I thank God for my part-time teaching job. I thank God for my church family!!! I'm looking forward to this new year and all that it will bring!!!

The SAGA is OVER!!

Wow...a lot has happened in the last few weeks. Saturday, November 26, I ran into Coach. He is a guy that I've known since 2002. At the time we met, he was married, so our conversations were cordial--simply "Hi" and "Bye." However, in 2010, we started a world wind relationship that ending in a broken heart. Yep, our "first date" was playing connect four at his house. I had a blast. But the night came to a screeching halt when his ex-gf walked in the door. She looked at me, I looked at her and then at him. The only thing I could say was, "Hi." She didn't speak back. So I looked at him and asked if I should leave. At first he said, "No," but then he said that it was probably a good idea.

On my way out the door, he tried to introduce us. She didn't want to speak. I was simply being cordial. When I got home I was a little crushed, but I didn't let it bother me. Then about an hour later I got a phone call from him. WHAT???? UGH???? This is when the night turned bad.....

Anyway, for about two weeks we talked. During that time he asked me to marry him and out of the same breathe he was telling me about how he and his ex-gf were so tied together. I was so hurt and confused. So, I took my bruised heart and just like any other mistake, I got over it.... He contacted me a couple of times throughout the year and each time he was telling me how he was gonna marry me. Blah, Blah, Blah. I never responded. Well, after Thanksgiving we ran into each other and at first I was a little put off. He was yelling at me from his car as I was walking into the YMCA. WHAT?? Who does that?? What man does that???? So, when he got the picture that I wasn't going to come over to him, he got out of the car to talk to me. We exchanged numbers and it started again. This time it was a little different. He and his ex-gf were done.

Over a period of about a month he told me about how he was telling her about me and she didn't like it, so eventually they got into a physical fight and he hurt her badly. This snowballed into epic craziness....he tried to kill himself by cutting himself and taking a gun to his head. He was charged with two felonies--aggravated battery and unlawful use of a weapon and unlawful restraint. He lost everything--two cars, a motorcycle, his home and a $70,000 job. He was committed to the psychiatric ward of a hospital....EPIC MADNESS. Still every time I saw him he was saying how much he wanted to be with me. WOW!!! So as he was telling me all this stuff, my heart was aching. 2010 was one of his worst years. I just didn't feel comfortable telling him how horrible my 2010 was. I mean, my stuff was not nearly as crazy. I just slept in the cold for four months....

As we were talking--having our heart to heart--he told me that he was embarrassed by all this. Tears came to my eyes because here he had gone through hell on earth and he didn't even realize that I was embarrassed too. I didn't think he was gonna like me if he knew that I had slept in my car and he was thinking the same about me. Everything was going well (well, as well as it could be going, we both have trust issues) then one day I cancelled our lunch date and everything fell apart. Yep, a lunch date did it.

Okay, back-up...as we were having our heart to heart, he asked me if I could see myself marrying him. He told me about all of his children and possible children. They are numerous....I think he knows about 8 or 9, but there are several that he suspect are his, but the mom's won't cooperate. EPIC CHILDREN. I mean, I was afraid to get too close, I might end up carrying his baby. Okay, that's mean, but it's true. I don't think he's used a condom EVER!!! Then he asked me if we got married, would I want to have his baby. As sweet as that is, I was a little speechless. I mean, it was sexy as hell when I told Mister that I wanted to have his baby. It was just scary talking with Coach about having a baby. He has so many already. "I'll do that for you..." was what he said and it would have turned me on and made me want to jump his bones right there, but I just kept thinking about all the ones that he has already. Yes, he wants to take care of his children and right now it's killing him because he's not working. But, WOW!!! After our heart to heart, my mind was telling me to run for the hills-retreat, retreat, but my heart wanted to rescue him and my body wanted to be close to him. Coach is a very attractive man and there is something about him that either draws women to him--kind of like a sick puppy that needs someone to take care of him. But, I told God that I didn't want to marry him and that I needed to cut the relationship off before it got too involved. I mean, we were talking about weddings....I was getting in over my head. WAY OVER MY HEAD.

It's a fact that hurt people, hurt people. If you don't get healed in your heart, mind, spirit, and soul, you will eventually affect and damage those around you. This is one of the reasons why I kept him at arms length. I guarded my heart when I was with him. And sure enough it was a cancelled lunch date that caused him to lash out at me.

On Thursday, December 29 I called him to say hello around 11am. He asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I told him that I would a little after noon. I agreed to take him to lunch at McGory's. However, when it got closer to noon, I realized that I was supposed to take Steph to the doctor at 1pm, so having lunch and then picking her up was gonna be cutting it close especially since McGory's wasn't fast food. So I called him to ask him if he could pick me up to drop my car off at Steph's. He stated that his car was currently in the shop and he was waiting on it to be done so picking me up was not ideal. He just told me to call him when I was done. I agreed. Well, I picked up Step at one and he called me around 1:15 to ask where I was because his car was done. I told him I was waiting on Steph and that it would be about a half an hour. Well, a half an hour came and went and I was still waiting on Steph. So I text him to tell him that I didn't want him to wait on me and that I wasn't sure what time I was gonna be done. My actual text was, "Hey not sure wen im gonna b done. I dnt want u 2 have 2 wait on me." He text me back, "Oh...Don't worry about..have a blessed day." From that message, I knew he was a little ticked, but I didn't think this was gonna lead to a two day argument. Later on that evening, I texted him, "U busy?" I was working on some grants and I was quite melancholy about the new year coming in and I wanted to talk. He called me back a couple hours later going off about how I didn't care about him and that I should not have sent him that text I sent him, blah, blah, blah. I was shocked. I knew from his text that I ticked him off, but WOW! He just kept telling me that I wasn't considerate and he wanted to spend time with me, but I didn't care about spending time with him. He stated that I felt like he was doo doo. WHAT????? WOW???? I couldn't get a word in edgewise. The argument was so stupid that I don't even remember everything he said. It was all so absurd. Here I was considering marrying this man and having a baby by him *cringe* and he was telling me that I didn't care about him. WOW!!!! So we ended the call with him saying that he would never bother me again. When we got off the phone, I was so confused. Like what just happened??? I prayed and I cried for him. I felt sorry for him. He was so emotionally damaged that something simple as a cancelled lunch date caused Mount St. Helens to erupt! WOW. So after I finished crying and praying for him, I called him to apologize for offending him. Yep, I told him I was sorry. I guess I did it more because I really wasn't interested in going to lunch--not because I didn't want to, but because I knew that I was finding myself getting more and more attached which was not the right thing to do. So, instead of me having to "break up" with him, our little lunch date did it.

The next morning he called me to tell me that he had gotten my message and it spawned into another argument about how I don't understand his pain--how I don't understand how he tried to kill himself twice and all the pain that he had gone through losing everything. I tried to explain to him that he wasn't the only one going through pain. I even confessed to him how I tried to take a bottle of pills and drink vodka because I didn't want to wake up. He wasn't hearing me. At ALL! His pain was his pain and I didn't get it. But, the problem was I got it and I understood him more than he understood himself--he NEEDED to be HEALED--MIND,SOUL,SPIRIT,and BODY!!!! The Bible says that healing is the children's bread. Until he get's healed from all that stuff and forgive those women and even his mother for abusing him as a child, he will continue to be damaged and he will damage other people along with his children. His children will have to deal with all of that pain if he doesn't get help!!! That's why I cried and he didn't understand that when I was talking to him. He thought I was saying that I was crying because he broke up with me. NO NO!!!! That is a headache I don't want or NEED!!! I'm not a fool. I"m too old to be a fool. Yes, I was contemplating marrying him, but I told God that I didn't want to--there is WAY TOO MUCH BAGGAGE, GARBAGE, TRASH, SLIME, etc and I'm not talking about his children. All of that hurt and pain can become like a cancer. It's a scientific fact that heartache and unforgiveness have killed people. I text him the next morning, but he didn't respond. I wasn't mad. I guess I was giving him the opportunity and the chance to know that I wasn't mad. I then text him Happy New Year. Again, no response. THANK GOD!!!!

So I free from Coach!!! It's over!!!! Now, I'm looking to my new beau in 2012. I've been telling God that I want to get married in 2012. I know, I know. I can't tell God what I want to do, but the Bible does say ask. So as I'm saying it to Him, it's more of an asking not telling. So, heavenly father, can you please send me a Godly man to marry in 2012? In Jesus Name. Amen!!