I Gave In....UGH!!!!

I've had plenty to write about....just not sure HOW to write about what's been going on. When I used to get like this "Mister" used to to me, "Just say it." So here goes.... I'm in debt up to my eyeballs!! Yep, the US Department of Education sent me a bill for $53,964.26. I have a medical bill that is in collections and the collection company has sent me a bill for $433.50. I have a dentist bill for $50 (I didn't even get to go to the dentist) and a doctor bill for $198.00. I have a phone/internet bill for about $70 and my car payment and insurance is due to the tune of $220 (car) and $153 (insurance). AND I DON"T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY ANY OF THIS!! I'm working fulltime and I still don't have enough money to pay my bills. The dept of ed said that I need to send them a check for the full amount within 30 days or my loan will go into default. *Sigh* On top of all of that.... I slept with Coach....Yep...I gave in. It was temporary insanity, my body got the best of me, all sense of reason flew out the window. And, i've sent him a text and he hasn't responded. Now, I'm really bothered. And there is no sense in being mad at him, I was the one who chose to allow that to happen. I could have left and gone home when he was asleep, but I didn't. I wanted to "be close to him." I wanted that affection and contact and touch of a man...a strong man. And yes, he is strong. He picked me up (all 192lbs of me). That excited me. So, now I'm sitting here craving him. I want him to want me...GGGGRRRRRR!!!!! But, I know that we can't be together...we WON'T be together. We don't even like each other like that. Plus, I think he's still involved with his baby momma. And I have no one to talk to about it. Sometimes I just want a friend to talk to...to confide in....just to talk. To vent...to get it off my chest...to confess somethings to, but I don't have that "TYPE" of friend. Yes, I have friends that I hang out with everynow and then, but I don't have intimate relationships with them. Mere was the last friend I had like that, but she's married now and for some reason we don't "hang" out anymore. *SIGH*