This is only a test

I've decided to fast the first 7 days of each month this year. I need to move from my spiritual deadness. So, I started my fast on Feb 1. On yesterday I went to the gym and walked into the class to see Magicfingers. He's a guy that I dated about 5-6 years ago. Actually, we really didn't date, we just had an one night stand that lasted almost a year.

Well, I heard he was married, which didn't bother me, but sure enough he was in MY workout class with his wife. Well, I didn't know if she was his wife, I just suspected that she was. She was a pretty asian looking woman. I didn't want to stare too much, but I did want to see what she looked like, but I couldn't without him noticing. So, I ignored them during the class and finished my workout.

I was a little ....(I don't know the word) when I showed up to MY work out class today and I saw her again sans him the next day. I kind of got a look at her and noticed that we kind of favor with the exception that my skin is dark, but I kind of look like I have asian features. Especially since my hair is straightened.

Growing up, I used to get made fun of because my of my eyes and flat face. To keep myself from feeling bad I just told people that my dad was asian. I was lying, but it made me feel better about me. If my dad was asian I had an excuse to have "tight eyes" or "slanted eyes". People used to make fun by taking their fingers and drawing their eyes closed to mock me.

Well, anyway, I can see how he "dated" me and now married her. We even have similar body types with the exception of my boobies. I know it's crazy comparing myself to her, but all during class, I kept sneaking peeks at her. I want to see what she looked like. I wanted to see why he married her, but we rarely went out in public together. It really doesn't matter.

Is it awkward??

YES, I wish they would pick another gym because I WAS HERE FIRST, but it is what it is and I won't let it bother me. Sometimes I feel like speaking to him just to let him know that I'm not bothered, but I don't want her to have to ask him who I am. I guess it's just easier pretending that we don't know each other, despite the fact that we "know" each other very well or we "knew" each other very well......I guess this is my test to see if I'm over him and I AM. THANK GOD because if not, I'm not sure if I would have been able to be in the same room with him if I wan't.

BTW, Magicfingers is Coach's brother.  I KNOW!!!!  I'm pretty ashamed!!!  But, God has forgiven and I have forgiven myself!!!