Now What?? Revelations & Failure

The Golfer and I have been talking and he asked me about my insecurities and weaknesses. I began to tell him about how I've failed at numerous projects and situations in my life and how this has taken a toll on my confidence.

He shared with me his weakness being procrastination and how for 17 years he's been where he is and he hasn't moved up in his job or his life. He then asked me about my regrets and my mind went back to 2001 and 2002. This was right before and when I met Mister. Mister was a good guy, but we never were meant to be together. As a matter of fact the Golfer reminds me of Mister so I feel like God is giving me another change to make a better decision.

After our conversation I began to think about it....I've been stuck for 16 years.

WOW!!

I have not grown spiritually in 16 years. Yes, I've made some "money move" and I've gone back to school, but spiritually I'm no further. I have knowledge about some things, but no really movement. No I am NOT the same person but I've been stagnant.

And that got me to wondering why? What has been going on in my life for the past 16 years that have stopped me from progressing?

MEN....

Not any men, but me wanting to be in a relationship, me hooking up with the wrong men, me attaching myself and having the wrong me attach themselves to me.

Yep, the once constant in my failures have been the wrong relationships.

Which goes in line with the revelation I had when Mr Ohio broke my heart.

After Mr. Ohio broke my heart, I made it up in my mind and heart that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I allowed it to distract me from my goals and when it goes south I sulk which causes me to be stagnant. So the full revelation came from my conversations with the Golfer.

And I THANK GOD for that revelation and I feel like now I can move and LIVE AGAIN. I know what the problem was, so I can root that problem out and get to moving which is what I"m doing now.

Now, I just need to know what I need to do with The Golfer??  I like him, he's not the one for me (as least in his present state) and his friendship has served his purpose, but I don't know how to transition it.