To My Mom: LOL

Billy Collins Reads from 'The Lanyard' from City Arts & Lectures on FORA.tv

Danger & Opportunity

The definition of "Crisis" in Chinese is two words, "Danger & Opportunity." 

Today I began to get sad. Actually, it started last night, but I decided that I wasn't gonna allow my emotions to overwhelm me. I was sad about failing at the project with the NP. I was sad about .... just life in general. What I've been through and the mistakes I've made....Well, there is no reason wallowing in the past, so I told myself that I HAD to KEEP MOVING FORWARD!!!

 I was thinking about Abraham Lincoln and some of the other great people who were "famous failures" and how they kept going and became great men and women. It was enough to keep me afloat, but then this morning after church I was sad again because it just feels like I'm not good enough. My hard work is not good enough. I've been floating in life going from one place to another and not being satisfied....So, I decided that to keep myself from going down the "valley of the shadow of death"--death of my dreams and death of my hopes, death of me. Not a physical death, but spiritual, emotional....So to keep myself from going that way, I decided to listen to Joel Osteen. He explained that the Bible says, "All things work TOGETHER for the good...." So that means that some things--our failures and disappointments--are working together. It's all gonna work our TOGETHER. It's not over yet until God says its over.

He gave the definition of "Crisis" as two words in Chinese, "Danger & Opportunity." It's dangerous when you go through a crisis and you allow it to hinder you, stifle you....It's opportunity when you can take that crisis and use it to propel you forward. I'm gonna use this--even though my heart is hurting--to propel me forward. GOD IS NOT FINISHED AND IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL IT'S OVER. Thank You God!!! 

**"That setback that was meant to destroy you is a setup for a comeback. That failure that's clouded your future is not the end." It's a new day, so rise up and move forward into the victory God has prepared for you!"--Joel Osteen Ministries.

2nd Interview

I was a little concerned earlier this week because I was ALMOST sure that I was gonna be called in for a 2nd interview, but as of Wednesday there was no call. Then in the midst of my furry to meet a deadline, I got a call, but wasn't able to answer. It was BB calling to tell me that she wanted to set up a 2nd interview. After my debacle with missing the deadline I called her back and left a message that I would call her in the AM around 9am. However, at 9am the next morning, I was so engrossed in work that I forgot to call her until around 9:45am.

AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

In addition to this I had no minutes on my phone so I couldn't call her anyway. But, I was gonna use the office phone to call her, but I forgot. Now, I was a .....(not sad, but uneasy) because I told her a time and I didn't meet that time. Dang car!!!! I blamed it on my car brakes. Actually, that was the blame because had I had my car, I would not be late for work and I would have started my day on time and I would have made the phone call. Well, I called her later in the day because I needed to buy minutes for my phone and I left her a message telling her about my car and how I was sidetracked and my phone wasn't working and I told her that I would call her around 9am on Friday morning. I called around 9am and now I have a 2nd interview for next Thursday at 12:00noon. Now I need to get my "interview suit" out of the cleaners and get my hair flat ironed.

I looked at my calendar and I thought I had an appt to get my hair done on Wednesday, but it says Thursday night. GRRRR. That's not gonna be good enough, so I will call again to see if I can come in on Wednesday night. I've got to be fresh. I'm also going to get my nails done and maybe a pedicure if I have the money. I kind of want to get some eyelashes too, but that may be too much for an interview. I just want to look good, not necessary attractive, but good. I want to look the part.

One questions asked in the 1st interview was how I felt about being a "public image?". I answered that I didn't like the way that I looked on television, but other than that, I am the spokesperson for the NP that I work for, so it's not foreign to me. So, I want to have an image of public health. I want to look like I can be put on a billboard. Thank God for my 2nd interview!!

The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem

BIll Collins "Litany"

Litany by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife, the crystal goblet and the wine.  You are the dew on the morning grass,
and the burning wheel of the sun.  You are the white apron of the baker and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard, the plums on the counter, or the house of cards.  And you are certainly not the pine-scented air. There is no way you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible you are the fish under the bridge, maybe even the pigeon on the general’s head, but you are not even close to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show that you are neither the boots in the corner nor the boat asleep in the boathouse.

It might interest you to know, speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world, that I am the sound of the rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star, the evening paper blowing down an alley, and the basket of chestnuts on the wooden table.

I am also the moon in the trees and the blind woman’s teacup. But don’t worry, I am not the bread and the knife. You are still the bread and the knife. You will always be the bread and the knife, not to mention the crystal goblet and – somehow – the wine.

Not 230, but 450

Yep, that's what I was quoted to get my brakes fixed from the other guy.

I told my mechanic that $230 was a little steep for me to pay for my brakes and that I was looking at something like $160.  Well, on my way home walking from work, I notices an auto parts place that is across the street from where I live.  I went inside and asked him some prices of brakes.  He told me that my car requires ceramic brakes that range in price from $33 - $48 and the rotors run from $21 - $50 each.  So basically I was looking at about $150 for parts if I went on the high range but labor should not be $100 for brakes????

I asked him for a reference and he mentioned that there was a guy across the street.  Wow, I hadn't even noticed.  He also referenced my mechanic.  Well, I went to the guy across the street and he looked at me and his quote was $450.  WOW!!!! I simply told him that I could not pay that amount and that my mechanic was gonna charge me upwards of $250 and I would pay that before I paid $450.

So I will be dropping my car off at my mechanic tomorrow.  I NEED my car so I gotta pay it.  One other thing is that my mechanic was charging me for two sets of brakes so I hope he doesn't change his price because I found out that I need front and back brakes.  So that would add about $50 for a total of $200 for parts.

Down the Toilet

All that time....down the toilet.


I just spend over a month working on a millions dollar grant for the NP that I volunteer with.  And it was supposed to uploaded today at 4:30pm EST.  I didn't finish until 3:42pmCST.  I was 12 minutes too late to upload it.  WOW!!!!

I was upset at first, but thank GOD, I'm not gonna linger.  Yes, I spend hours and hours and hours and days and days and days, but it all came down to a technicality.

Actually, this reminded me of an incident around this time in January 2009 (I believe).  I don't understand.  What did I do wrong????

I was in this same position in January 2009.  I was working on a grant for $150,000 and my car had broken down and I spent all night with my team with the final touches and it was due in Springfield at 2:00pm.  I got stopped by trains and there was traffic and I got there at 2:20pm.  I don't understand the repeat.  I don't get it.  God help me understand this!!!! PLEASE!!!!!

Yes, I'm gonna move on because I HAVE TO!!!  But, what was the lesson in this???  I learned that I need another team to work with and I learned that I'm not the leader that I want to be and that .....I'm not sure what else I learned.  I guess maybe not to take a week off when you are supposed to be working......

I guess the good news of the day is that I was thinking...hmmm, I haven't been called in for a second interview. I guess the health department doesn't want me.  But sure enough at 3:26pm today (when I was tryna upload the grant) I got a call.  I checked my messages and it was BB calling to set up another interview.  I was happy, that made the sun shine a little in my life in the midst of the clouds.  So I'm gonna call her back tomorrow morning!!!

I'm exhausted.  All that hard work, for what, GOD????