I've been trying to steer clear of the news....first corona, now racism is blowing up my timeline and it's so disturbing. Not the mention the rash of violence that has been going on in my city. Absolutely heartbreaking and atrocious. I was sitting on the edge of the bed last night asking God to help us. I know He sees and I know He knows, but ......
In the midst of all of this, it's hard to just go about your daily life. I mean, people are hurting. But life still goes on and its like us black people are under a cloud. As a believer I operate under kingdom rule--in the spirit there is neither male nor female, jew nor gentile (Galatians 3:26-28), but the world will still put limitations on me because of my skin color, my gender, etc. And my job is not to fight the world, but fight the good fight of faith. I couldn't help to see all the rioting going on and I know that sometimes believers we will put a scripture to try to justify something, but the only thing I could think of was Jesus overturning the tables in the temple (Matthew 21:12-13). Jesus had a holy anger. I had to try to keep myself (guard my heart) from being angry and looking at the rioting and looting as justifiable. Yes, there are times when we will have a holy anger to deal with something, but we don't want to go to the extreme and not forgive. We also don't want to live in fear of police or those in authority. God help us, please!!
Anyway, in the midst of all this....
I was gonna text a good friend of mine about Perry. Since talking to Dr Banks my interest if peaked, but I'm in a conundrum. I mean, yes, I want to date, I want to get to know someone and get married, but I'm in a funk about it. I don't feel comfortable in me. I've gained 27lbs and it's uncomfortable. I'm dealing with mild health conditions that if they aren't corrected will turn into major health conditions. I'm conscious of my mental health and strongholds in my life. I'm still working on discipline. So is this the time for me to be involved? I'm kind of grateful for the weight gain because it's keeping me away from men, but God, what do you want? I've been dealing with insecurity that's tied to the stronghold of fear in my life. So I dont' want to go to the extreme and allow my pride to rule me....
So for the time being I opted not to text her and I went to bed. As I was settling down, my old ways started creeping in. Fantasizing about what could be. I mean the fantasies started aggressively. I kept casting down those imaginations and then it hit me. This is the enemies way of trying to lure me back. I've been walking out of the spirit of perversity and God has been delivering me, but now a man is interested in me and my mind is trying to take me back there. The Bible tells us that we aren't igonorant of Satan's devices and this is a tactic that he is using to try to get me back entangled and I REFUSE. I mean I fought and fought and fought so hard to be free in my mind. I REFUSE to go back. So I'm gonna just leave the Perry Hill situation alone!!
As I was going to sleep I was awakened by a little noise. I thought maybe there was a mouse so I started to fear. I began to pray and I went back to sleep, Then another noise. Dangit...please don't let there be a mouse. Then more noise, prayer, falling asleep. Then my body shook really hard. I don't know why. More prayer. Then the printer came on shining a bright light. WHY? Ok, Holy Spirit....the Blood of Jesus. I need to pray for someone. So I began to pray as I was falling back to sleep because something was going on. I don't know if this was the enemy tormenting me with the spirit of fear of if I really needed to pray for someone. I finally went to sleep and dreamed about something weird.
I really want to go visit Dr Banks on Wednesday when I go home, but my insecurity is getting the best of me. I'm going to start working on a diet plan to lose this weight.....
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