Giving Group

 I have joined the Team No One Left Behind giving group. It's a wonderful opportunity, but it's a job. 

I'm so tired right now I don't have the energy to talk about it, but it's a good group. I'm substitute teaching and working my full time job. OMG, Jesus help me!!

To be continued....

Do You Really

In my twilight (almost awake, but still sleep) this morning I was thinking about the curriculum that I was putting together and I need a name. I'm thinking of calling it, "Do You Really Want To Change Your Life?"

Who doesn't?

Who doesn't want to get better.

One of my pastors has been talking about the spirit of Cain and how he was plagued by the spirit of jealousy. Whew chile.....I have some jealous feelings that I need God to deal with!! And I thank Him for deliverance!!

So in order to change your life, the first thing you must do is CHANGE YOUR MIND!!

Change your mind about whatever it is that you are dealing with. That's not easy to do, it takes practice and discipline, but it can happen!! Some times little by little and sometimes overnight, the change happens. Most of the time you can't pinpoint when it happens, but it happens....

Get Back Up Again

I THANK GOD for His grace and mercy.

I slipped and fell Friday night. I let my mind just go where it wanted to go and it lead my body down the wrong path and I sinned. But I used what I have learned and asked for forgiveness and went on to bed. I felt convicted and asked for forgiveness and I tried not to beat myself up to much and I went on about my business. Saturday ended up being a really good day. A woman asked me to pray for her. I felt a twing of guilt, but I trusted God and prayed. I also realized what lead up to me falling.

Golf guy....

Yeah, I can't blame my sin on someone else, but the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33 TLB, "Don't be fooled....If you listen to them you will start acting like them." All golf guy wants to talk about is sex and how to "conquer" women. His goal, in the name of not being lonely, is to have sex with women. He got upset with me when I told him he didn't want to commit. Actually, what I told him wasn't the whole truth. It's not that he doesn't want to commit, its that he's insecure about his position financially and anatomically (small penis syndrome). 

So anyway....

He's sending me these text about all these women he wants to sleep with and one of his other friends that has found a new man and she's sleeping with him and she also been in a long term relationship with a married man...OMG. Every time I get a text from him I roll my eyes because not only does he want to engage in these crazy behaviors, he tries to encourage me to engage with Mr Ohio and the liar. 

I'm so over it!!

I can't do this relationship anymore. In the past he served his purpose and I thank God for bringing him into my life because I've learned so much about men from listening to him and asking questions, but I've progressed and he doesn't get it!!  

So I have to stop "listening to him" because I'm starting to engage in that behavior and I've fought too hard to get away from all of that!!!

Even Though I FEEL This Type of Way Don't Mean I AM This Type of Way

My identity is NOT my feelings. So even though I FEEL a certain way I have to separate that from who I AM. This is important because for a long time I had feelings that were contrary to the word of God....

I struggled and struggled and struggled with my sexuality. I loved sex. I was abused as a child and it caused me to be hypersexual and promiscuous and the devil used that as condemnation. I felt so bad about myself because I didn't know how to deal with my body. I didn't know how to deal with sin in my body. I didn't know what to do with the feelings that I had. So I just lived in shame and condemnation. It plagued me and I tried and tried and tried to be good, but I couldn't. It was only recently when I listened to Joyce Meyer explain grace. She said, if there is no sin, there is no guilt. I can't be sentenced (punished) for something that is no there. 

Yes, we all sin, but we ask God for forgiveness and we work on repenting and not doing it again. Then God throws whatever we did away and he forgets it. There is no sin as God is concerned, so there is no guilt and shame for that. That doesn't give us the license to do things on purpose and deliberately do things just so that God can forgive us, but it helps us to understand God's love for us and how much He wants to help us live this life. 

Well, the only saints used to say, "I'm waiting on my change to come," and God has done it again. He has brought me out more because now I've learned that when I have sinful feelings and sinful lust and sinful thoughts, I DON'T have to to bow to that because that's not who I am. I am the righteousness of God. I am redeemed by the blood of the lamb. Just because I'm tempted, just because a thought comes to my mind, that doesn't define me. Those temptations aren't my name. Redeemed is my name. So that's why God has given me and I can fully use the power to CAST DOWN imaginations--thoughts temptations and thoughts that are coming to my mind. I can cast the devil out because that's now who I am

Thank you Jesus!!!

Idolatry of Marriage

I was listening to Jackie Hill Perry talk to KevOnStage and she made the comment about, "the idolatry of marriage," and it stuck out to me because I am a single woman and I desire to be married. Marriage has been on my mind for quite some time (years) and despite the fact that I wasn't that "I wanna go to college to find a husband," type girl, it does preoccupy my mind a lot. 

Right before getting out of bed this morning I started to fantasize about meeting a guy and not wanting to indulge in a relationship with him. This was a guy of my dreams, "saved, love Jesus, priorities in order, etc", but because I was whole within myself (not wanting or needing anything) I wasn't too concerned about him. Of course this was as short lived fantasy because I needed to get out of bed, but it's like I want to be in that position where I don't NEED marriage. The divorce rate is pretty high and sometimes even higher in the church so that lets me know two things--either you married the wrong person for the wrong reason or you married the right person, but because the devil hates commitment, hates the sanctity of love and marriage, you allowed him to enter in and overtake what God has put together. I don't want to be in either of those camps. I don't want to get married because I want to have sex, I don't want to get married because I need a second income or because I'm lonely. I want to get married because it's what God wants for me and I can be an asset to someone. Marriage is already a responsibility and when there is an imbalance in the relationship, there is an added burden that one has to bear and life is already a challenge, why add more to that? 

We Don't Think in Words

This morning before waking I was dream/fantasizing about sex with Mister. I wasn't quite sleep, but I wasn't quite awake either....

Whenever this happens I wake up feeling, not guilty, not quite bad, but some kind of way because I don't want to have sinful imaginations, but I'm sleeping and am not always in control....but I don't want to deal with these spirits. OMG!!

So as my Pastor was teaching this morning she said, "We don't think in words, we think in pictures." She referenced the scripture, "We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God, We capture, like prisoners of war, every through and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One." 2 Corinthians 10:5 TPT.

She was telling us that we have the authority to cast down what the enemy brings to us. We have to take authority over all of those images, fantasies, that are against God. 

She was telling us that we have to dismantle everything that the enemy is trying to use against us, "Break down their alters, smash their sacred stones and burn their Asherah poles in the fire; cut down the idols of their gods and wipe out their names from those places." Deuteronomy 12:3.

The she encourages us to remind of that Jesus already defeated the enemy and He gave us that power too, "And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Colossians 2:15 

So I thank God for the word of God and for His power and freedom!!

Chest Pain & MS

I do not like scary dreams.....

On Monday night I was awakened at around 4am because I had a scary dream about my uncle. I was downstairs of his house and my aunt was in the bedroom right off the stairs. I was watching him walk down the stairs and telling him to be careful when all of a sudden he tumbled down. Not slide down on his butt, but head over feet almost like a cartwell type of tumble. He land in a seated position at the bottom of the stairs. I rushed over to him and he seemed to be okay, a little stunned, when all of a sudden he gripped his chest and I woke up in a panic. My anxiety level was so high. I tried to calm myself and go back to sleep, but this spirit of fear was tormenting me so I googled Tony Evans sermon Juanita Bynum sermon on fear. Juanita Bynum really helped me. She said that we have to counteract the spirit of the devil with the spirit of the Lord. I have to go back and rewatch it because I was really digging what she was saying.  

I was so tired on Tuesday and I went to sleep a little earlier and last night I had a dream that my sister had MS-multiple sclerosis. She's waiting on results from a biopsy from two masses in her breast. I really think they are benign. We haven't had breast cancer in our family. 

But, both of those dreams are very troubling. When I talked to my uncle on the phone on Tuesday he told me that had to go to the ER on Sunday because he was having chest pains.  

God, what are you saying? This is so stressful. 

I really believe the dreams are my anxiety and the spirit of fear tormenting me.