Self-Esteem

I've suffered from low self-esteem for a along time.  A lot of it stemmed from growing up.  My family was pretty hostile and not supportive.  When I got older and started dating my self-esteem suffered from dating the wrong men.  It didn't do any better when I had a few friends who stabbed me in the back.  Now my homeless status is getting to me.  I'm finding myself more intimidated by asking for help. 

My confidence has always been shaky.  I don't speak up for myself, I've allowed people to treat me badly.... It's actually quite pathetic, but it's not been easy to change.  At church my pastor prayed for people who have low self-esteem and I was one of the people on the altar.  So, I'm working on being more assertive. 

Today, I took a step that was not easy to do.  It was easy once it was over, but leading up to it was difficult. 

I decided to call the Homeward Bound program to ask about the Residential Manager position.  I was so scared that I could hardly talk.  I was stuttering and stumbling over my words.  Ugh!!!  I was so intimidated.  The Director told me that the position had not been filled and that she is looking over the applications next week.  I didn't want to sound desperate, but I asked her if she got my message about my change of phone number.  She recited the number.  So that means that it must have been right on her desk or something.  Not sure if that's a good thing or not.