Pity Partying

I made it to church with a minute to spare. Thank God!!

My pastor called everyone to the altar for prayer. After he prayed, his wife prayed and she told us that for 2011 we have to repent and walk in integrity and forgiveness just like Joseph did.

Joseph was kidnapped, sold into slavery, put in jail because he wouldn't sleep with another man's wife, forgotten about and after all that, when he got out, he forgave his brothers enough be able to help them when they were in need.

After, I repented for being disobedient to God, I recommited my life and told God that I want to live a life that is sacrificed. I don't want to be controlled by my carnal thinking anymore. I want to be spiritual. It will take discipline on my part, but I'm willing.

During the prayer, she told everyone to get with their family. She told the single people to get with an Elder and pray. I got with Elder Pat. She's prayed for me before. I cried while she prayed for me. Every time she prays for me, she hugs me and I never want to let go. It's like she's the mother that I've wanted all my life.

So, after church I went to talk to her and I told her that I've been so upset because I've been through hell this year and I just wanted my mother to hug me, hold me, let me lay my head in her lap while she stroked my hair and praying for me. I just wanted my mother to tell me that it was gonna be all right. I just needed a mother this year. I had no one to turn to and I should have had a mother to turn to, but my mother has been so battered and abused that she's never told me that she loved me. I told her all this and she encouraged me, but at one point, she told me that I just wanted to have my pity party. Wow!! I never thought it if like that. Yes, I've been holding on, but my heart has been so heavy because I've just been feeling sorry for myself and I wanted someone to understand my pain. She hugged me and put her arm around me and told me it was gonna be okay.

My spirits have been lifted and I'm leaving the pity in 2010. I'm walking in forgiveness and integrity.