I Wanna Feel Like a Woman

There is nothing that makes me feel more like a woman, than a man. I mean a nice, taller than me, strong arms, good looking.....MAN!!!

 I've been in relationships with men that made me really really feel like a woman...I mean, girly, attractive....just downright SPECIAL!!

Nothing makes me feel more like a woman, than a GOOD man. And right now I don't feel like a woman. Especially after seeing my friend and her husband. I'm not jealous at all. I am totally happy for her, but the way he treated her, I am sure she felt so ladylike. And I miss that.

Man...I wanna feel like a woman!!

 

Thank God, I didn't Let My Emotions Rule Me

So, I had a emotional day yesterday because I got this email:

We need to meet as soon as possible. Give me a call so that we can schedule this meeting.

It was from my boss. And the subject to the email was, "Housekeeping." I was nervous because my boss told me that if I failed another housing inspection, I would be fired. And this was my third strike.

So, after looking on craiglist for housing, I went to the office to make an appointment. We scheduled it for 11am today. I got to the office at 5 til and was immediately received by my boss. She told me that I NEEDED to do something about my dirty apartment.

And just to clarify....I've been doing good in my housekeeping. The inspector simply came on Wednesday which was a day I needed to pick my co-worker up from a city 45 miles away and I left at 7:30am and I didn't take the time to put my bedding away and pick up my clothes off the living room floor, which is what my routine is. Also, my recycle bin is overflowing and the laundry is in the hallway because I needed to set up my computer in my room, so I moved the laundry to the hallway.

So, I am on a mission.....

This mission is called, Project Spic & Span.

I called Lambert cleaning and organizing service and for $200 and 6 hours, we are going to clean and organize my STUFF. I think I will even get rid of a lot of stuff too.  We meet for a consultation tomorrow.

Overall, I am glad that I didn't allow my emotions to control me. I didn't emotionally eat, sleep, or do anything detrimental.....

Thank God!!!!

Emotions

I have to learn how to stop living out of my emotions....

Emotional eating, emotional sleeping, emotional buying, EMOTIONAL DESTRUCTION.

People's emotions get them into trouble all the time. If I'm in a funk, I eat the wrong things and too much of it. When things aren't going well, I want to just sleep and let's not talk about the hundreds of dollars wasted in retail therapy.

I'm making a declaration.

MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT GOING TO DESTROY ME.

I though it was my flesh, but it's really my emotions that are ruling my flesh.  I'm not disciplined in my eating because of my emotions. I"m not disciplined in my money because of my emotions. I've been in BAD relationships because of my emotions--Ok, my flesh had a part in that one, but mostly it was my emotions.

So, I got some bad news today. Not really bad news, but an email that is leading to possibly some bad news and at first I was gonna be in a funk, but I just made up my mind. I'm not gonna be upset, depressed, mad at myself. I'm just gonna take the news and move on.

Thank God for clarity.

"I've been to a place, called 'hell on earth'...."

My emotions aren't gonna keep me in hell.

On Top of That....It's Snowing

I make a conscious effort not to talk much about work, since most of my work is confidential. However, today was a doosy of a day....

First of all, it was cold outside. I mean, not just cold, but, "I think I need a coat, not a jacket," cold outside. And I didnt' wear socks or tights because my brain hasn't switched over to fall...winter's on it's way, yet because just two weeks ago it was like 80 degrees outside and I was wearing flip flops.

Secondly, I went to one place that looked and felt like there was some kind of seedy activity going on, then I went to another place where the owner was high (not exactly sure if it was the owner...it might have been a customer, but someone was HIGH as a kite and I thought I got a contact from the smell).

Then I went to a place where the owner (one of the owner's) had a gun tucked into the back of his pants. And it wasn't concealed.

On top of all of that.....

It started snowing on the way home.

WHAT???

I was freezing going in and out of those places and now I have to deal with the snow.

I'm not ready for the winter time. My brain isn't ready.

Ok....I"m not REALLY Marrying Robert

I really want to get married. Yes, it's time!! Well, I think it's time at least......

So, I get fixated on men. No, I'm not a stalker, but when I meet an interesting guy, I think about him. I fantasize about him--not sexually, just dream about if he is the one for me.

When I met Robert....he was interesting, educated, good looking and pleasant. I didn't know anything about him, but what I saw. I didn't even know if he was married or not (which could be the case because some men don't wear wedding rings).

Even though I fantasized about him, there was something that kind of bothered me.....

He reminded me of Mister.

Yes, there was something about him that reminded me of Mister and when I marry a man I don't want to be reminded of someone else.  So, that bothered me, but my fantasies are benign so I went with it. That is until I found out how old Robert was.

I have no problem dating older men. When I was 23, I dated a man who was 40. When I was 30, I dated a man who was 45. Older men are quite settled, but when I did look Robert up (courtesy of Facebook--yes, I reactivated my account just to look him up) I found out that he is probably my mother's age--53.

That.....is off limits. NO, he doesn't look it AT ALL. I mean, he looks my age. Maybe he takes care of himself  well, but I was disappointed. What do I look like introducing him to my mother. He graduated from high school the same year that my mother did. And even if he did graduate early--say 16, that still means he's in his fifties.

Oh boy.....I have no problem dating older men, but my mother's age is where I draw the line because at that point, why would you want a baby. Plus, can you keep up with me? I'm sure he can because he DOESN'T look it AT ALL and I would have never imagined he was that old...I truly though maybe 40 or maybe 45, but not over 50. WOW!!!!

So, the quest is still on.....

I've got to marry a man soon!!!

2-3 Weeks

I've applied for school. Yes, I've applied for a certificate program at UIS and I will know if I've been accepted in 2-3 weeks. I'm not really nervous, and surprisingly I'm not anxious, but I am anticipating.....

I really really want to get moving on my Ph.D program, but I was denied admittance into the program, so my plan is to get in a different way. I will first complete 1 or 2 certificate programs--Nonprofit management and/or Community Development, and then I will apply for the program. By then, I will have gotten to know most of the people within the department, I will have gotten to know the university and my chances would be greater. I'm not sure why I wasn't accepted before. The only thing I can think of is that I have not taken the GRE which I DO NOT want to take and my background has been in education, not public service or community development.

So by early November I should know if I"m going to become a college student again......

Happy Waiting!!

I'm Gonna Marry Robert

I'm smiling as I type this because it's soooooo........out there.

Let me start from the beginning.....

I had to call this place to see about reserving a room for a class and I spoke with Robert on the phone. I had no idea who he was. He was nice, gave me the information I needed and we hung up. However, I ended up not needing the place. This was in July (or maybe June).

In September I went to the place because I needed a room for a class and I walked into to the office and Robert was there. He stood as I was introducing myself and I heard him say, "Wow," but I paid that no attention at all. This was business and I needed to be professional. Also, the "wow," was unexpected and I'm not sure why he said it.

We conducted our business and I left until the day of my class.

Now....when I walked into his office, I was expecting an older, Caucasian man. But, instead, I got a young (maybe 38 or 40), black man, who was bald (I love a bald man). And he was nice looking (a little on the short side--I think we may have been the same height).

On the day of my class, I made it to the office early before it closed because I wanted to see him again. And I needed to see what this, "Wow," was. He was nice, helped me set up and got me supplies that I needed. I asked him what time his office closed. He said 5. I was to be there until 7, so imagine my surprise when it was 7:15 and he was still there. Not sure why exactly. Again, he was nice. We said our goodbyes and that was it.

Still don't know what the "wow," was about.

But, I been planning a wedding for the past few years. And I've gone to a few dress shops, and even to David's Bridal a few times. But, this time I went they wanted me to register with them. WHAT??? I've never had to "register" to look at dresses. But the lady was insistent. So I had to tell her when my wedding date was, which I DON'T have one and I had to tell her the grooms name, which I DON"T have one, so I just said Robert *&$%#@#  LOL. It just came out. His name just came out of my mouth. Then she wanted email address.  WHAT???  NO WAY!!!  I stopped it right there and just told her that I had been looking at a different store and I just wanted to see what they had.  She said okay and let me look.

Sheesh.


Now, I'm online chatting with Mister (I know, I know, I know) and he is asking about my boyfriend and again, I said his name is Robert. Oh, boy.....

The thing is, this Robert guy kind of reminds me of Mister. He has the same body type, the same---something. I'm not sure what it is, but he reminded me of Mister when I was talking to him.

Oh boy......

Lowes, That's Where They Are

I NEED a man.....Okay, maybe I don't NEED a man, but I surely WANT one and I think I've found the place......


LOWES!!

Yes, the hardware store. I was there today for about a half an hour picking up paint for the church and there were men coming out of the woodwork. Yes, some were married and had their wives, but there were quite a few who were just roaming around.

WOW, I haven't seen this many men just hanging out in a long time. And I don't know if it was all the hard tools and the metal stuff, but there was like testerone ooozing from everywhere.

For some reason, I don't see that many men at Menards, which is where I usually go, but now I'm going to Lowes.

You better believe it, the next time I need to buy a few extra screws for my next project, I know where I'm going.

I might try to recruit someone to help me with my tread desk cause I surely need some help with that.

Packing Up

I haven't been on a vacation in a looooonnnngggg time. I mean a real vacation, not just going home to visit family, but a real....stay in a nice hotel, go to see all the sights and eat good food vacation. I think the last time I was close to it was in 2010 when I took my brother and niece to Chicago for a week ad we stayed downtown on the magnificent mile.

But, tonight I was packing up. Yep, packing my bags to go away for a week. And it's not really a vacation because it's for work, but I forgot how tedious packing is. Man. I couldn't remember if I needed to bring my toothbrush or pack bath towels....

I truly forgot what I needed to pack so it took me a minute to get my brain together. I almost want to do a checklist because I know I always forget something that is necessary that the hotel doesn' t have like deodorant or floss.  But, I'm packed and I will hit the road with my partner at 9am in the morning. We are staying in a lodge about 3 hours from here--in the woods where I was told, there's not much cell phone reception. Not that my phone is ringing off the hook or something.

I will welcome the solitude and the BED with the TV right in front of it. LOL.

Yes, I can't wait for the BED to lay down in. I hope they have those hotel pillows that are so comfortable that you want to steal them.

I once asked one hotel where they ordered their pillows from--they were so fluffy and soft.

So, this week should be insteresting!!!!

She BAACCKK

I'm so excited. Actually I'm bloated and crampy and icky, but still excited.

Aunt Flo is back. Yep, I've been crampy for the past few weeks but that's nothing out of the ordinary. And I wasn't paying much attention until I went to bathroom and found out the reason.....Yay! My body is performing. Now I just need to make sure if continues to perform. I'm so happy I wanna celebrate with cake but I'm fastng so I'll just think about eating cake and toasting to the great flow of womanhood.

Thank God!

Creepy

I was dreaming this morning and in my dream, I saw this creepy guy--kind of reminded me of Jason from Friday the 13th. But really creepy....

It was like the guy was tormenting me....like I was bound up and he was rubbing my leg like he was trying to molest me or something. He was wicked and had a perverted spirit. I don't remember the entire dream, but all I felt was sickening.

When I woke up, it was like the spirit of God was showing me how women feel when they are abused or raped. They are scared, traumatized and God has to heal their heart.

I don't know if I was having the dream because I've been watching too much SVU, but I "felt" how a woman would feel in that situation. I was terrified.

I pray for all the women, girls, boys, who have been raped, molested, abused--sexually and physically, at the hands of a predator. I pray for their mind, I pray for healing in their heart, body and soul. I pray that the love of God will rule in their hearts and minds. I pray for the spirit of forgiveness, in Jesus name, Amen!!!

317 Area Code

I haven't been sleeping well and it's partly my fault. I mean, I just have a hard time at night, my mind races and I'd like for it to SHUT DOWN, but it doesn't so I watch TV. And in my case, since I don't have a TV (well, I have one in front of the treadmill, but that's for when I work out), I watch Hulu on my phone. Yes, I broke down and bought Hulu Plus because I wanted to be able to entertain myself somethings....

But, the other night, my phone churped. I had a text message. I moaned and turned over to check it, thinking that it was someone in need of some help and I was going to have to get up out of the warmth of the blanket....but it wasn't. It was a 317 area code.

HUH????

And the message simply said, "Sherry?" (not my real name).

And immediately I thought of Mister. I had been anticipating this text for a while now. I replied, "Yes," and the response was, "This is Mister (he used his real name) new number." I simply replied, "Ok," and went back to sleep.

I just left it at that. I really don't have the time to get involved right now, I don't have the spiritual acumen, so I'm just gonna pray. That's all....give it to God in prayer.

I pray for his mind and his heart. I pray that he come to know Jesus. I pray for his protection as he try to sort out his like....I just pray that the will of God be done in his life, right now in Jesus name. Amen!!

I Have a Gift

gift

/gɪft/ Show Spelled [gift]    

noun

1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

2. the act of giving.

3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift. 

4. a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time.

I had a dream last night. In the dream, my oldest brother (my mother's son) was little--maybe 12 and he has this gift that he was trying to give to my grandmother. It was a card that had money in it. The money was coins that he had, but he had a hard time keeping the money inside the envelope with the card because somehow the envelop had split at the bottom and the coins kept falling out. So I was helping him tape the card together, but the card was made so that if it was taped, it would mess it up, so instead of putting the coins in the envelop, I took them all out, threw the envelop away and just put the coins inside the card. He was pleased and he got his card and his gift and he gave it to my grandmother. The gift he was giving her wasn't much; it was like dish detergent and cleaning supplies in a basket, but he was so proud of his gift and that he was giving it to his grandmother. It was actually more than just the card that my other brother was giving my grandmother. It seemed like the gift was coming from his heart even though he didn' t pay much for it. He exclaimed that he only paid .85 for the gift. I ssshhhhh'd him and told him he wasn't supposed to tell anyone how much he paid.  My grandmother was pleased.

I woke up from that dream wondering.....

The Bible teaches us that if we are sons of God, we are gifted--everyone who names the name of Christ is gifted, no matter what and the gifts are given to us freely. The gifts that God gives to his children are to be used for service to mankind. Unlike the gift my brother was giving, he had to pay for it, but when God gives us gifts, they are given to us without having to pay for anything and the only thing that we have to do in return is use the gift. It is our responsibility, when God gives us something, to use it. He doesn' t give us something to just sit on the shelf. My brother was giving my grandmother cleaning supplies--my grandmother was a housewife--she needed those cleaning supplies.

God doesn't give us something that we can't use!!

God doesn't give us something that we can't use!!

God doesn't give us something that we can't use!!!

And not only that, we have to give an account for what we've done with out gift here on earth. I believe the dream was telling me that God has gifted my brother and he needs to use that gift--he needs to give it away so that others can be helped. I believe the dream was also reminding me that my gift is to help others to come to find their gift; my brother needed help with using his gift. So, I have to help...I have to use the gift that God gave me to help my brother because he has a gift also.

Thank God for the gifts.

Father, in the name of Jesus,

I really want to use my gifts for your glory. I want to be obedient to your word, in Jesus name. Amen!