Old relationships

In January I ran into "Coach" at the store.  I didn't want to talk to him because I knew in my spirit that the timing was not right.  However, I ended up giving him my number and could have been a wonderful relationship turned sour quickly.

Our first date of playing Connect Four at his house until midnight.  It was ended rather abruptly because his ex-girlfriend walked into his house.  She didn't knock, she didn't announce that she was coming in, she just walked in.  We were in the dining room looking at her come through the door.  I was shocked!!!  I spoke and she ignored me and went to his bedroom.  WOW!!!  I didn't know what to do, so I asked Coach if I should leave.  He initially said no, but then said it would probably be a good idea that I leave.

I left.

And everything in me was telling me to "run for the hills" and don't look back.

But, at about 2am he called me asking me why I hadn't called him to let him know I made it home safely. WHAT??  Why would I call you when a woman just shows up at your house unannounced and when you introduce us, she doesn't even recognize that I"m standing there?  Why would I subject myself to that type of drama?

I was so crazy about this man that instead of listening to my better judgement, I ended up back at his house.

Big Mistake!!

After a couple of days, he started telling me that he's stuck in this relationship with his baby mama.  They had been together for 9 years, they have a 7 year old son and even though she left him, he still wants to be with her. Which is what he did.....

He went from telling me that we should be together and that we should get married and that he wants to make a life with me, to telling me that "it's complicated" and he doesn't want to waste my time.  WHAT????  HUH?????   WHAT???????

I was so confused.  I allowed him to take me through emotional turmoil.  Finally, Valentines Day was coming up and I quite calling him.  I knew I wasn't his Valentine, so why stick around?  Sure enough when the season of love was over, he called me....in March.  We had another brief tryst that left me so emotionally barren.  I was drained.  I was here in body, but my mind was on vacation.  I couldn't handle what he was doing to me, so instead of crying my eyes out, I mentally checked out.

The entire time this was going on, I was facing money troubles that I didn't tell him about.  He also had some secrets of his own, except his secrets were public knowledge, courtesy of the Circuit Clerks website.  I looked him up.  I wanted to know more about his background.  He had been charged with violating an order of protection and was facing some type of trial in February.  By the summer time, he had accrued two other criminal charges, one was a Criminal Felony charge for unlawful use of a weapon.  The other was a battery charged.  All these charges had to do with his ex-wife.  She was taking him through the wringer.  He briefly mentioned to me that she wouldn't allow him to see his children and that he had been getting into it with her boyfriend.  Apparently, she got to him good because he was arrested.

I was a little shocked.  I knew he has emotional issues that dealt that stemmed from his childhood, but I didn't know he was that angry.

In September, he showed up again.  This time at my job.  I was tutoring some girls at the high school and he saw me driving.  He followed me and when I got out the car, there he was.  We chatted briefly.  I gave him my number again.  He left.  For the next week, I was an emotional wreck because he didn't call.

I just let it go.  My heart was broken once more, but I was glad he didn't call because I didn't want to have to explain to him that I was homeless.

It's now November and on Saturday, while sleeping in the hotel's parking lot, I woke up to view a missed call on my phone.  His number popped up.  Oh, Boy.....

When I got to work, I called him anonymously from my office phone.  I simply left him a message that I saw that he called.  Later on that day, he text me to ask me how I was doing.  Of course I could not text him back because I had not paid my phone bill.  So I text him from my yahoo account.  He didn't respond.  I"m not sure if he knew it was me or not.  But on Sunday, he text me again.  I called him from my job again and left him a message.

In church, I was praying and it was like my spirit was telling me to let him go.  I started crying.  I want to do what God tells me to do, but I wasn't sure.  When I rationalize the situation, my rational mind tells me that he's not worth it.  He has 4 children by 2 different women.  An ex-wife who is taking him through hell. An ex-girlfriend who doesn't want to let him go, and he's struggling emotionally with all of this mess that he is in.  So , why do I want to connect with him?  I tell myself that I"m not desperate for a man.  But, I've been interested in this guy since 2002 and who doesn't want companionship.  I'm not looking for romantic involvement.  I can't handle that right now.  I just want to become friends with him.