I Gave In....UGH!!!!

I've had plenty to write about....just not sure HOW to write about what's been going on. When I used to get like this "Mister" used to to me, "Just say it." So here goes.... I'm in debt up to my eyeballs!! Yep, the US Department of Education sent me a bill for $53,964.26. I have a medical bill that is in collections and the collection company has sent me a bill for $433.50. I have a dentist bill for $50 (I didn't even get to go to the dentist) and a doctor bill for $198.00. I have a phone/internet bill for about $70 and my car payment and insurance is due to the tune of $220 (car) and $153 (insurance). AND I DON"T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY ANY OF THIS!! I'm working fulltime and I still don't have enough money to pay my bills. The dept of ed said that I need to send them a check for the full amount within 30 days or my loan will go into default. *Sigh* On top of all of that.... I slept with Coach....Yep...I gave in. It was temporary insanity, my body got the best of me, all sense of reason flew out the window. And, i've sent him a text and he hasn't responded. Now, I'm really bothered. And there is no sense in being mad at him, I was the one who chose to allow that to happen. I could have left and gone home when he was asleep, but I didn't. I wanted to "be close to him." I wanted that affection and contact and touch of a man...a strong man. And yes, he is strong. He picked me up (all 192lbs of me). That excited me. So, now I'm sitting here craving him. I want him to want me...GGGGRRRRRR!!!!! But, I know that we can't be together...we WON'T be together. We don't even like each other like that. Plus, I think he's still involved with his baby momma. And I have no one to talk to about it. Sometimes I just want a friend to talk to...to confide in....just to talk. To vent...to get it off my chest...to confess somethings to, but I don't have that "TYPE" of friend. Yes, I have friends that I hang out with everynow and then, but I don't have intimate relationships with them. Mere was the last friend I had like that, but she's married now and for some reason we don't "hang" out anymore. *SIGH*

Dinner Tonight

Tomatoe and Beet Salad...AWESOMENESS!!!

The Journey Up: Money Management

I've talked to a financial counselor and we found that without paying my student loan I have about $400 extra to put into savings. However, this pay period, I barely broke even. I'm not complaining, but I will stand on the word of God. The Bible says to give and it shall be given and I gave a lot at church. I don't have any thing left to do laundry or anything else. I pray that God watch over His word to perform it because I'm gonna be washing my underwear by hand tonight because I have none that are clean!! My car needs to be fixed and I can't afford to fix it. My sister has asked for me to help her financially but I have nothing to give her....I need someone to give to me.... In everything give thanks....THANK YOU GOD!!!! Despite my trials...THANKS YOU, GOD!!!!

The Journey Up: Weight management

I'm working on getting my life together.... I read this scripture that really made sense. Jeremiah 2:7 says, "I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable." I feel like that's me. God has made a way for me to live for FREE. He blessed me with a job that I love and I have SO MUCH FAVOR with doing my job, but I still seem to get myself involved with things that are not right... For example, I have a LOT of FREEDOM on my job. I can come and go as I please, but because I was hanging out with COACH I found myself at his house instead of being in my office. I was still on the clock, but I wasn't working.... THAT'S NOT RIGHT. So, I made myself stay in my office all day today, even though I didn't have anything to do. I read about health stuff. But, I didn't leave. I don't want to mess this up, that's why I'm working on my character development. A person with a good character will not be paid for doing something that they did not do. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to lie and be a bad steward over my money. I want to earn what is mine. So, in addition to working on stuff like that, I'm also working on my weight. My job has supplied me with a Wellness Coach (free of charge) so that I can manage my weight. We meet every two weeks to talk about health and nutrition, diet and exercise. I'm SO HAPPY FOR THIS. Maggie (not her real name) has been wonderful so far. I explained to her my thyroid issues and how this has really compromised my weight. She gave me some tips on how I can manage what I eat, but she also encouraged me to take my medication (which I have not taken in almost a year). Little did she know I had already scheduled a time to see a specialist about my thyroid next month. We also talked about my mood eating....I have a problem eating when I'm bored. So, instead of eating snacks--cookies and chips, I will work on eating healthy stuff when I'm bored. That way I won't be filling up on empty calories. She also motivated me to work our more. My goal is 5 days a week for 30 minutes each day. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do when my YMCA membership is over next month!!! I can't afford a full membership. I'm gonna do something, but I'm not sure what just yet...

The Insurance Guy Made Me Cry

My car SUCKS!! Of course you know this because I've chronicled my issues before...but this time I have a NEW PROBLEM!! When I put my key into the ignition, it WON'T TURN!! I've bruised my finger trying to get that thing to turn. UGH!!! It's my cylinder lock--the cylinder thing you put the key in to to get it started. It has chipped away and chipped away at my key so much that now it won't turn. So I thought I'd get a NEW KEY made to see if that worked and it did....for about three days. Then on yesterday I was stranded at work..in the parking lot. UGH!! It took me an hour and a half before I finally called my insurance company to get my car towed home. I was irritated, upset, mad....and even though I was bothered I was still trying to keep my cool. So, I called the insurance agent for roadside assistance and the guy was SOOOOOO FUNNY!! I couldn't be mad anymore. He brightened my day!! I even told him so. When I got off the phone I was teary eyed because that was God's way of telling me, "I got you...." even when things are crazy and not going your way, "I still got you!" And I thank God for using the young man to cheer me up. So I went back outside to see if just maybe the car would start and when I got into the car, Coach called. I told him what happened and he asked me why I didn't call him. He then proceeded to tell me how to get my car started. It wasn't working and then after about a minute of talking to him, it started (not that anything he was telling me work, it just came on.) Of course he thinks it's because of him, but I KNOW THE TRUTH!! It's just finicky like that...it starts when it WANTS TOO. So, I cancelled the tow truck and since then, I have been leaving my keys in the ignition and locking my door. I hope no one looks in my car and sees the keys. I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY RIGHT NOW TO GET THAT FIXED. I know it's gonna cost me over a $100.

Why Am I Disappointed?

Coach and I have been hanging out...not dating, just hanging out. He needed help filling out paperwork for school and looking for a job, so I've been helping him. And because I've been helping him, we've been seeing each other almost daily this week. Well, I went to visit him during my lunch hour and as I was leaving, my car wouldn't start. GGGGRRRRRRR!! Yep, it was asking like it was cold outside and it wouldn't start. So I sat for 10 minutes, like normal before it started. However, as I was sitting, he got a visitor....another lady. REWIND... While I was visiting with him, we were sitting in the living room and he mentioned that he needed to pick up the children from the Y at 1:30, so I took that as a cue to leave. So we hugged (he gives the best hugs) and I went to my car, put the key in the ignition, and nothing happened. So I sat there....and sat there...and sat there. About 6 minutes passed and I see a car pull up behind his (my car was parked in front of his). A petite woman gets out and has a gallon of milk. She walks up to the porch, rings the doorbell and he opens it. I'm not sure who this women is, but I do know that he still communicates with several of his children's mothers (because he has to for the sake of the children). A couple of minutes later, he comes out of the house and now I'm embarrassed because I don't want to be sitting there looking at him with another women...So I began praying. God answered my prayers and my car started and I drove off. I'm not sure if he knows that I know that this woman was coming to visit him. But, it just let me know, confirmed that he's NOT the one for me! About an hour later, I went to Jimmy John's for $1 subs and sure enough, another ex-friend walks up with a girl and her children. I made sure to act like I didn't see them. He sent me a text for my bday and I totally ignored him!! I didn't want to be bothered...this was another confirmation--don't waste time thinking about him!! So, if I know these guys aren't for me, why am I disappointed? Why?? I guess I feel like I'm at a point where I WANT to be in a relationship and despite my finances, I feel like I'm ready! Yes, I need to get out of debt, but emotionally, mentally, I feel like I'm ready..... I just need to hold on and not become desperate!!!

Would You Like to Date My Husband?

I was working a fair for my job--sitting at a table passing out information about our programs and services and one of the ladies at the fair, who I've worked with before and have grown to like, comes to sit by me... We started talking about fashion and working out and then the conversation turned to dating. I mentioned something like, "If you know someone who is between the ages of 35-40 and is not mentally unstable, let me know..." We were laughing. And she goes, "I know someone...my husband." We were still laughing, so of course I'm not thinking that she is serious, but she continues to tell me that she's been married for 15 years and she and her husband are not right for each other. Neither of them are happy and she tells me, "he deserves to be happy." She continues to tell me that they were married young and have 3 children, but he's "not right for her." She says that she wants to make sure that he finds someone to be happy with and tells me that I would be perfect for her husband. She wants to introduce me to him!! WHAT??? HUH????? I said to her, "Why would I want him if you aren't happy with him?" DUH??? She continues to talk about how they are friends and he's a wonderful guy, just "not right for her." She even shows me a pic and I might say that he is really nice looking.... BUT...... I've NEVER been interested in married men!! Even if they have been separated for 10 years...I'm STILL NOT INTERESTED!!! Anything can happen and the couple may get back together. Did I hear Kobe and his wife are getting back together?? There are many people who separate and get back together. Why would I put myself in that situation. Especially when there are 3 children involved. WHAT???? So, the whole situation was a little awkward even though I was sitting there laughing and chatting with her.... How do I get myself into these situations????