The Journey Up: Reflections

I turned 35 on May 5, 2012. It wasn't a big deal to me...not as big as 30. I didn't make any special plans, I just enjoyed the day. I have a friend who turned 35 yesterday and to her it was a BIG DEAL. We went to dinner and had great conversation, but throughout it always came back to "being 35". WHAT??? I started feeling self-conscious because to me it wasn't that BIG. God blessed me to see another year!! That was BIG, but 35.....hmmmm.

So, I started reevaluating.....Not that I'm gonna make it a big deal about being 35, but just thinking about moving forward and onward with my life....

Spiritually, I've been on this rollarcoaster and I wish I could go back to 2008 and make some different decisions, but I can't...So, I have to deal with it and move forward. I've learned that in order to maintain my spiritual relationship with God, I can't be "friends" with a guy. I thought Coach and I would be friends and I would be able to help him because where he is, I used to be. I even told him that I couldn't handle "having relations" with him and he respected that. I just wasn't thinking. So, to avoid that, I'm avoiding close friendships with men. My heart was broken and it crushed my spirit and I went backwards...I started endulging in "old" stuff....old habits that had me bound. So, I understand the enemies devises now...that type of relationship, where I'm hanging out with a man at his house or spending a lot of time with him recreationally, will not work for me. I'm not strong enough for that. Also, I NEED TO FULFILL MY PURPOSE. I believe that God has blessed me to go through what I've gone through so that I can help somebody. I need to be a witness that God can bring you out. He's done it for me!!! By the grace of God, I'm living RENT FREE....God has blessed me so much!! I HAVE NOT LOST MY MIND!! I HAVE PEACE OF MIND, despite everything!!

Financially, I'm doing what I can to manage my money. I monitor what I spend and have not spent anything uneccessarily. I did pay for my friends dinner on yesterday and bought her a card and a cupcake, but other than that, all my money goes to bills, gas, groceries. Every cent that I have has been used properly. So, if I'm being financially responsible, that means, I need to have faith that God will help me to get out of debt.

Weight management has been a challenge. Until I get a handle on my thyroid, I will work HARD to manage my weight. I've noticed the only time I lose weight is when I fast. Well, I can't fast every day of my life. Yes, I do need to eat more on a schedule (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), but for the most part I'm doing what I can. So, I'm gonna make a goal...for 30 days I'm gonna be focused--prayer, meditation, fasting, reading the word of God, etc. I NEED GOD!!! and I can't do it in my flesh. It has to happen in the spirit--in my spirit.