2 Hours

That's how long it took us to get home from work today. We left around 5:30pm after we scraped the thick coat of ice off the car. We got home around 7:30pm. Kim drove. My car is sick. I have to talk about that another time because my head hurt, I had motion sickness from being in the car going no more than 30mph on the highway, and I'm tired.

I hope we don't have to work tomorrow!!!

I am wore out

I'm so tired, my body hurt!!!

My eyes hurt, my head hurt, my neck hurt and my shoulders hurt.

This has been a llllloooooonnnnnnnnngggggggg week.

We've been in training all week at work and boy was it a doosy.

I'm not gonna be on here long because I'm getting ready for bed, but I just wanted to write about my blessing.

Remember back in October when I went to the hospital because I had severe chest pains?

The hospital bill was over $5000 and that was just the hospital bill. I just received a letter in the mail that said that I qualified for their financial assistance program and my bill is reduced by %100. I don't have to pay anything!!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to run around the house and praise God, but I'm tired. Actually, I think I'm still gonna do it because the Bible says that David praised God so much that he danced out of his clothes!!!

I THANK GOD for HIS love!!!!

Oh WOW!!

I've been praying about some stuff that concerns my living arrangements. I love Jenny. She is my friend, but she runs a day care center out of home. She has to comply with DCFS rules that state that if anyone lives in your house they have to have a background check, TB test, and a physical. The background check, I'm not worried about. Now that I have some moola, I can pay $15 for my TB test, but it's the physical, that I don't have money for. I'm not sure how much it cost, but to see a doctor is not cheap. I signed up for the clinic for low income people, but they won't see me until my file is complete which takes about 30 days after I signed up because they have to request my medical records from EVERYWHERE and they say it takes about that much time. Then it may take another 30 days because their schedule is booked, so I might not be seen until March for my initial visit. Jenny wants all the forms completed by March 1. I can't argue with her rules. If she wants them by that time, then I have to comply because this is her business--her livelihood. But, I just don't have the money for a physical. She said she would pay for it if necessary, and I know if I go to the low-income clinic it will be cheaper than a regular doctor, but the clinic might not be able to fit me in before her deadline. SO I was praying about it.

Also, my friend Sarah, needs a place to stay. She told me her bday was tomorrow and I was gonna take her out to eat to celebrate. But, when I saw her at church last night she was telling me that she may not have a place to live. She's not working now and she's living with a lady who runs a home daycare center. Her problem is, she can't pass the background check because she is an ex-felon. She just got out of jail in 2008. So, the lady was telling her that she was nervous about her staying there because DCFS can pop up anytime to evaluate your business and she didn't want to lose her license. So, she didn't have anywhere to go. She was thinking that she could go to Jenny's because Jenny has the room, but the lady knows Jenny and mentioned something about her. I prayed last night and told God that if I had my old apartment, Sarah could come to stay with me because it was a two bedroom apartment. I also told God that I wish I could help her.

Well, about an hour ago, I got an email from a lady from my church who works at Homeward Bound, the place that I not only applied to for housing, but also I applied for the Resident Manager position and they sent me a rejection notice. She said that the position was open and she thought about me. I told her that I applied for it in November, but they didn't want me. She told me that that was because they hired someone "in house" to take the position, but the lady was just fired. I told her that I would more than be happy to take the job!!!! She said she would talk to her supervisor and call me tomorrow to let me know if I can reapply.

I immediately called Sarah. I wanted to wait because I didn't want to get her hopes up just in case I didn't get the job, but I didn't want Sarah to leave town. That's what she did last time when she didn't have a place to stay. So, I will be praying that God's will be done in this situation!!

November 28, 2010

I was told by IDES that I was ineligible for benefits starting the week of November 28, 2010. They said I was not in compliance with their rules. A month later, on December 28, I was in their office meeting with Gina and pleading my case, explaining to her that their rule didn't apply to me. I was told that she would take care of it, but my case sat on her desk. About two weeks ago I went back to the office and was told that I was ineligible. The man didn't even want to hear me because of the outdated information in the computer. I was getting frustrated trying to tell him and he was getting frustrated trying to tell me. I had to tell myself to keep my composure.

Finally, I just said I didn't want to fight with them anymore (actually, I said that before I went to see them that day). I just got a letter in the mail that said my previous employer did not have sufficient information that deems me ineligible. The actual verbage is as follows,

...the claimant is not ineligible for benefits...

Of course when you see the words "not ineligible" you have to pause until your mind can figure out what that mean. Not ineligible means "is eligible". I don't know why they couldn't just say that because when I read it the first time, I was surely thinking that I was ineligible.

I thank God for this because I need to pay my bills!!!!!!!!!

As I reflect on this situation, I've learned some good lessons....

1. Do what God tells you to do and don't allow pride to get in the way.
God told me in November when I read the rules to receive my benefits that I needed to contact my previous employer. However, I didn't because my pride wouldn't let me. They laid me off, why would I need to contact them? That was my mentality. This whole issue came about because I hadn't contacted them, but I was sent an email telling me that they would contact me and God was trying to cover my by telling me to contact them. I should have listened :( God, forgive me for not listening and being obedient.

2. Be patient.
When you know that you have done nothing wrong, be patient. It will all work out and just per chance it doesn't, just know that there is a reason.

3. When you have a job that affects a person's life. Do it!!
I understand that the state employees are overworked and under paid, but this is my life. I have been without. WITHOUT!!!! and it was only the grace of God that was shown to me by having friends that have helped me out. Not everyone is as fortunate as me.

4. Listen when someone is trying to tell you something.
The man at the IDES office did not want to listen to me. He was just going by what was on his screen. This was the same man that helped me out when I told him the office did not call me when they should have. When I first went to the office to tell them that I had not been called according to the time stated in the letter, this same man helped me then and told me who my case worker was and gave her my information so that she could call me. This was on December 22. I know that he had dealt with a lot of people since then, but not a month later I was talking to the same guy and he was giving me a hard time. He wasn't listening. Now, I know to listen and stay calm when trying to help a person.

Preparation

I'm preparing for work next week. It's snowing. Ugh!!! So that means I will be driving slowly on the highway. My goal is to be in bed by 8pm tonight because I have to be up at 5am. That's a horrible hour, but that's what I have to do to get to work on time. I'm taking my lunch to work all week.

Our church fast is over tomorrow. But, I like the fruits, veggies, fish and chicken menu. I'm gonna keep up with that type of eating. I feel so much better.

I was burdened on yesterday by a comment that my roommate said to me. Her intention was good, but the Bible says that things may be lawful, but not expedient. Yes, she noticed something, but was it her place to say something. She said that she felt she needed to say something so she did. It had nothing to do with her, she just noticed me and decided to mention it. Like I don't know myself, I guess. It bothered me and I cried at church because her comment made me feel bad, like I was doing something wrong in my life. It's really easy to look at someone and see a fault, but my goal is not to point out a fault in others, but to look at myself. I know in the past I may have pointed out someone else's flaw, but now I know that it may not be my place to say anything.

So I was pretty heavy at church because it was trying to place me back in the "i'm not good enough" mindset, but as my pastor was preaching I just asked God to free me from that heaviness and He did. No I don't pray everyday and some days I may not read my Bible, but I'm moving towards that.

My Goal Was To Go To Bed Early

Yep, that was my goal today. It's about 7:33pm and I think I can still make it. I've got 3 sweet potatoes in the oven and I'm waiting on them to be done. I didn't know how long it took for sweet potatoes to be done, but it says about 25 minutes. I've got to get my clothes ready for church tomorrow and take a shower. Actually, I want to get my clothes ready for work all next week. This will help me save time especially since I will be getting home so late in the evening. I also want to get my lunch ready for the rest of the week because the cafeteria at the bank is not cheap.

Through this fast God is really teaching me a lot of stuff. One thing is to not be offended by things that people say. In order to mature I must know that I can't get offended by every person's comment. I know the intention is good and I accept the concern, but it's real easy to look at someone else and not look at yourself. On this fast, I wanted to examine myself. I didn't want to point out anyone else's faults. I want to see me!! GOD, SHOW ME, ME!!! Please, because I am the one standing in NEED!!!! I know that there are people who are able to help me, but sometimes the help is not help, it's more like a judgement. Maybe, I shouldn't look at it that way. Maybe it's a conviction, but I'm moving forward. Maybe I'm not moving fast enough, but I am moving!!!!

Maybe God is trying to tell me something!!!


Father, I want to spend more time with you, but I do have work to do. Do I have to spend all my time reading your word? Okay, maybe to walk in the spirit I need to think in the spirit more. I understand that, but I'm learning, right???? Am I that bad????? Am I that bad?????

I understand that you have been telling me to get rid of my pride. You have been telling me to humble myself and you have been telling me my faults--not listening and paying attention to the word, not protecting my anointing... not being obedient when you tell me to do something, allowing fear and intimidation to control me instead of the spirit of God and so on and so on....

I know you are not concerned with my past, but it haunts me and it's taken me some time to get over it!!!! I'm not going to have a pity party and use my past and my upbringing as an excuse, and I know that there are people who are worst off than me and have had it worse than me. But, I've had to deal with some difficult stuff.

Help me, God!!!

Father, help me, please!!!!!

New Job

My first day on the job was yesterday. I had to be there at 8am. Since we are about 50 miles away and the weather is horrible, I decided it would be a good thing to leave around 6:30am. Thank God I didn't have to shovel my car out the snow. The weather was horrible. I started me car get it warmed up and the heat just wouldn't heat up. I didn't know what was wrong until I looked at the temperature. It was -4 degrees. When I picked up Kim, she said the wind chill was -12. I had to get some gas even though Kim gave me $10. I hope the check takes a week to clear because I won't have any money until Friday. Otherwise, this will total 3 bad checks I wrote. That's a bummer because that means my first check will be used to cover bank fees.

Speaking of writing bad checks.....

A girl that I'm friends with told me that she was sent to jail for writing a bad check. She said the check was $142, but the court sent her to jail for 2 years and she had to pay a fine of $1400 to cover the check, bank fees and court cost. WOW!!!

When we got to work, I sat in training like a deer in headlights. I felt like was in another country.

Basically, our job is to make sure that loan documents are correct and if they aren't correct, we can't refinance the loan. That sounds simply, right? IT'S NOT!!! The system that they use and all of the home mortgage jargon is crazy. Around 10am, my brain was screaming for a break. I had a massive headache. By the end of the day I couldn't wait to join the mass exodus for the door.