Thank God for Angels

God is So GOOD! I'm amazed at His love and His grace. I'm sitting here almost in tears because I just got off the phone with one of my mentors, Dr Freddie A Banks. I haven't seen him in a couple of years--since maybe 2012 when he was being honored by his city. 

Dr Banks was one of my advisors in college. He was passionate about helping minority students to become teachers. And in doing so he inspired so many of us. 

I'm not much of a social media person so every once in a while I will delete every thing and when I get back on I have to refriend people. I got a friend request about a week ago from a fellow college mate, Perry Hill IV. Of course when you accept you have to scroll through the timeline to catch up on a person's life. Not sure if he did that of me, but I looked at his timeline life. He reached out to me on last night to tell me that Dr Banks would love to hear from me. But his message wasn't just that. There was "something" there. I wasn't sure what and it was almost 10pm and I was in bed, and I didn't want to read into anything so I responded that I'd love to talk to Dr Banks....

THU 10:21 PM

Hello How are you? I spoke to Dr. Banks today and he mentioned you. He wondered how you were and reminisced about your surprise presence at an appreciation event months ago. Would you be willing to call him if I relay you his phone number? On another note, we will have chat soon.

Hey Perry. Yes I would love to talk to him. I miss you all.

The part at the end is what I didn't want to read into. So I just left it at that. I  called him a little while ago and while talking he told me that he mentioned to Perry that I was a fine young woman and that Perry should get to know me better. 

Whew....I don't even know why I'm getting emotional. I think it's because Perry and I were raised on two different sides of the track and my insecurity tells me that I'm not good enough for that caliber of man--the prim and proper man who has every I dotted and every T crossed. Perry reminds me a Mr Ohio, but only more Christian. Mr Ohio didn't go to church--he was a believer, but not a participator in the every day christian lifestyle. Perry is more of a kingdom minded participant. Dr. Banks let me know that he and Perry are members of the same church--Friendship Baptist Church in E St Louis. He also let me know that Perry is back at home in E St Louis. I mentioned that I visit home to take care of my uncle and he invited me to come visit. Now I'm really self conscious. I've gained weight-almost 30lbs and I'm not very confident in myself--well God is working on my insecurities so going to visit him is not something that I really want to do even though I really want to visit.  

I want to visit and I want to talk to Perry, but timing is everything and I'm so......right now. I mean, I'm so ready for the next chapter in my life, but AM I? I don't want to hang on to the past, but it seems like it's still hanging around and I'm still running away from it. 

As I was thinking of a maybe prospect I remembered Dr Banks and his marriage. I'm not sure when he got married, but it was later in life to a woman who had already had children-7 children I think. And Dr Banks is a prim and proper dude. Oh the possibilities.....  

I'm Not Guilty....

...the personality issues and relationship problems—were rooted in the fact that I didn’t like myself. And when you don’t like yourself, it’s very difficult to get along with anyone else...-Joyce Meyer

I've been on a journey during this time of staying at home and I thank God for this journey. It's been a journey of freedom. Freedom from fear, insecurity, self-pity, guilt and shame. The mind is a powerhouse and it controls everything. So renewing the mind is paramount to walking in the freedom that God has for me. Joyce Meyer has a 25-day study on the Battlefield of the Mind, so everyday I've been reading (and trying to meditate) on what I've been learning. One thing that resonated with me a while ago and she reminded me of today is, I'm Not Guilty! 

When Jesus died on the cross, He died to forgive me of my sins. So when I accept Christ I accept his sacrifice and I accept his forgiveness. Which means there is no more sin that I have to be convicted of. When a person robs a bank, they can be arrested and convicted of that crime. Then, that conviction has a sentence assigned to it. However, when Jesus forgives us, there is no conviction. There is no jury declaring me guilty. So I don't have to be ashamed of what I've done. The Bible teaches that when we are forgiven God removes our sin and doesn't remember it...as far as the east is from the west-Psalms 103:12. Since the sin is removed there is no crime. There is nothing that someone can say I'm guilty of. That was so hard for me to understand and I'm still "walking it out" in my everyday life because there is always something that the devil tries to bring to my memory that I should be ashamed of. But I thank God for his word and for His freedom!!

Because of this I'm learning to like and love myself!!  

Strongholds Pt 4

I'm still having strange dreams. The other night I had a dream that I was spooning with someone and they were behind me and I could feel their private parts on me. I could vaguely make out who it was. Strangely it seemed like it was my sister. What is going on?

I'm committed to making this change and, "go all the way with the Lord." I just have to be patient and consistent. I have to, "wait on my change to come," as the old saints used to say. But it does seem like I'm doing all this blindly. It's like, if I"m working out I can see the pounds decrease as I'm going, but I don't see any change. I just have to have faith that my life is changing and that God is working and fighting for me. I have to keep up my part!!

Thank you Jesus!!

Strongholds Pt3

As I'm walking through this deliverance journey the enemy is really manifesting some things. Sometimes deliverance is not immediate and we have to "walk out of" some things. It's almost like exercise. If I need to lose 40lbs (and I do) I have to consistently eat right and exercise. I can't do it for a week and be done. It doesn't work that way. So last night I had a strange dream.

Background....

In 2001 I dated Marvin. When we met he told me he was single and I wasn't interested in him immediately. It took about 6 months. We dated for 6 months before his wife called me. WTH?!

Yep, he lied to me. His wife had left him and moved to Florida, but now she was back.

So I broke up with him.

Last night as I was going to sleep, I felt the panic coming. I started listening to Joyce Meyer and it was helping. Then early in the morning I started to dream about Marvin. He was working in some  type of office. He was suit and this was SO different from the real Marvin I know. Marvin was always a blue collar. Not a suit, but here he was looking dapper and handsome in this suit. We somehow left his office and I guess we were at his place because I was in his bed with only my panties on. WHAT?? This was such a strange dream. There I was sitting in his bed, I guess watching tv or whatever and he was sitting next to me. Then I woke up.

Again, I know that this deliverance is going to be a journey but I cast down and renounce every past ungodly relationship and I cast into in to hell where it belongs. I don't want to hold on to anything ungodly.

So I pray that God show His hand of deliverance in my life, in Jesus name. Amen

Strongholds Pt 2

I went to bed on Monday night. Nothing was special about the day or evening, but I had decided to fast and pray because I don't want to be bound by strongholds. So I've been positive and hopeful. I went to bed and all night long a spirit of panic plagued me. I got up at 4am because this fear, panic, and anxiety just would leave me alone. I googled scriptures and found a youtube video from Prophet Ugo about Overcoming Strongholds. This man of God blessed me and it really resonated with me that the spirit of fear, the stronghold of fear is rooted in pride. Pride exalts everything else above the word of God. The Bible tells us to cast down every imagination that is exalted against the knowledge of God--2 Corinth 10:5. So when I allow fear into my heart and mind and I don't cast that down I'm putting that above God. He said a lot of other things that I need to go over again, but that one point really resonated with me. So I've been casting down the imaginations and the devil keeps coming at me, but I keep casting it down. So I thank God for His word that is delivering me.   

Strongholds

So during this time of Quarantine, Staying @ Home, Staycation from work and life, I want to be productive. Initially I was just thinking that this was gonna be a short time to recoup. Then I looked at the spanish flu pandemic in 1918. That lasted 2 years. Then I read the scripture about the end times and the beginning of suffering. So in my heart I realized that this pandemic would take a toll on us and that life would not be the same on the other side. With that thinking I wanted to not waste this time. I love God and I want to use this time to hold up my relationship with Christ. I was reading Judges and how the people of Israel vacillated between good and evil. When a righteous judge was ruling, the people served the Lord, but then when an evil judge ruled, the people turned their backs on God. After Gideon died his son, Abimelek, decided he wanted to be king and he killed all 70 of his brothers and only one escaped, Jotham. Jotham pronounced a curse on Abimelek because he murdered his brothers and Abimelek ruled for 3 years. But during that time he was in war with the people and as he was fighting and killing the people about 1000 of them shut themselves up in fortified building in the city. This was described as a stronghold-a place where no one could come in and the only way to get out was the way you came in and it was locked and fortified. So what Abimelek did was cut down the branches of the trees in the area and used it to block the people in and then he set the branches on fire and everyone in the fortified building perished.

This was very interesting to me because in christiandom we talk about strongholds and how the enemy will use strongholds to keep people in bondage, but I never looked at it the other way--using a stronghold to hide for safety. When the enemy is coming after the people of course the first thing you do if you can't fight against that enemy is you run to safety in hopes that the enemy will not be able to find you. But the thing about life is that there is no safe place outside of the shelter of God. The Bible says that the name of the Lord, He is our strong tower and the righteous run to Him and we are safe (Prov 18:10). He is our stronghold. So when we are running anywhere else, we won't be safe. Its actually a trap to run somewhere else. The enemy wants to trap us in his stronghold. Some men trust in horses and some men trust in chariots, but WE (the righteous) only trust in the name of the Lord (Psalms 20:7). There is no safety in ANYTHING else!! Anything else is a stronghold of the enemy.

So as I was letting the Holy Spirit teach me I began to think about my strongholds--fear (God didn't give me that spirit), perversity (from being violated as a child), insecurity and anxiety (which are all manifestations of fear).....I began to see how the enemy uses those strongholds and how I use those strongholds to keep myself safe. I DON"T want to come out of my comfort zone. So if I"m afraid of something I just won't do it. In the name of safety I back away. I have fortified myself in my insecurity. I don't know a time when I wasn't afraid of something, when I wasn't insecure about something. And now we have a pandemic that is trying to cause my to be anxious and afraid. But God is not a liar. He said that He didn't give me these spirits and He came to set me free so I believe Him and now comes to work of tearing down the strongholds. Unlocking the door and coming out to face the enemy. If the people unlocked the door they could have saw Abimilek coming and they would have fought for their lives, but because they were locked up and hiding they didn't know that the enemy was blocking them in. We are not ignorant of Satan's devices (2 Corinth 2:11), so was have to see what the enemy is doing and we have to come against him with the sword of the spirit which is the truth of God. So the battle begins..... 

Activate

In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. - James 2:17. 

If I don't activate my faith, it's dead. My faith is dead until my feet starts to move. If I have faith, but don't do anything, I don't have faith. It's dead, there is no life in it; it can't be used if it's dead. So I have to activate it. I have to get up and do something with what God gave me....

Thank God for the word!!

So my aunt died......

My aunt Gloria has been sick for over 20 years. She was diagnosed with gestational diabetes when she was pregnant at 30. This lead to diabetes and congestive heart failure. In January she ended up in the hospital and the doctor diagnosed her with continuous heart failure. The doctor told her that he could give her some medicine to go home and die or he can treat her and the treatment may prolong her life for another year, but 40% of the people who take the treatment die before the year is up. She took the treatment and they put her on hospice. 

She passed away a few days ago after a good fight.

So with Covid19 and the death of my aunt, now is the time to really activate my faith. The enemy has been battling me in my mine with fear and anxiety, but God didn't give me that spirit. So I have to stand on faith!! It's impossible to please God without faith. It's impossible. So I've got to do it. As a child of the King I've got to do it.