Why You Gotta Be a P*$$y

I met Mr. Ohio at the end of July. We went out for tacos at Applebees. He was cool. I do not remember what we talked about, but he was nice. Afterwards, I was feeling some kinda way. I mean I didn't know anything about this guy, but I was in my feelings and he was too. So naturally we made plans to spend time together over a weekend and it was great until he told me that he wasn't looking for a relationship.

WHAT?

That was a slap in the face. But, he was way into having sex with me.

WHAT??

How does that happen? I mean, I am not into the whole "hookup" so what exactly do you want?

"I don't know what I want," is what he told me.

WOW???

I was duped...not by him, but the devil got me. So I broke it off. But, my heart and my body was captivated so I called him back. UGH!! But, thank God for prayer because I saw myself going down the same rabbit hole I found myself in with Mister. I needed a diversion FAST. God came through I met another guy....

But, I was still pissed. I mean how are you gonna have sex with me and not tell me that you don't want to see me anymore. Especially after you've said some of the things you've said.

"I wanna marry you"
"I'm tryna make you mine"
"Don't you wanna get pregnant?"

How can you say those things and NOT mean any of it?  WHO DOES THAT?

And then when I try to see you, you blow me off????

You, Mr. Ohio are a coward and a pussy. You aren't man enough to break it off....Thank God I have the strength to move on!!!

I Won't Do That Again

I'm seeing a pattern... You know the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me?" What happens after a third time?

Well, I've got it and I WILL NOT be tricked again!!

When I met Mister, it was love at first sight, as they say. I saw him and he saw me and we were both hit by the love bug. I'll never forget that feeling. It's intoxicating. But, we didn't get together until a year later. And that relationship turned out to not be good (I don't think...I'll explain later).

Then a year later I met Coach and it was the same thing...the butterflies, the hearts in my eyes. It took 8 years for us to get together and I KNOW that he wasn't the one for me.

So 15 years later when I meet Mr. Ohio. I should have known better. Right?  I guess time can make you forget some things. But, not again.

I met Mr. Ohio and after our first meeting I was floating to the clouds. And he was too. He was a little more level headed than me. I mean, he had been married and engaged and raised a family....so his experiences guarded his heart. I, on the other hand, fell face first into his hands.

And just like falling before, I hit the ground hard. Heart break hotel. But, I understand now. Just because you feel butterflies and cupid keeps knocking on your heart, it doesn't mean that that person is the ONE. You still have to evaluate the situation. So, I won't fall like that again. Thank God for grace and mercy and His love to bind up my broken heart so that I could move along.....

I'm learning to keep boundaries when I meet men. Captain is the new guy that I'm talking to and he's nice, but I'm just using him to move on from Ohio. Basically, Captain doesn't want children and he's not interested in God. So, I'm just enjoying his company and it's nice. But the walls will stay up.

5AM God, What Are You Saying?

I Thank GOD that HE STILL LOVES ME!! GOD IS AMAZING and I want get my life back on track.

On yesterday I was awakened at 5am because I was having a bad dream. In my dream I had a horrible time with my toilet backing up. For some reason there was a little shitzu that wasn't mine that was all muddy and I needed to give him a bath so I filled the tub up with water, but the toilet was overflowing because something was clogging it up and I was trying to get the clog out, but it wouldn't come out and I was really upset about it and I woke up.

Why, did I get up this morning and flush the toilet and it was clogged.

OMG...sometimes I just don't know when God is speaking and when a dream is just a dream, but I'm glad he told me. I contacted Roto Rooter to come and unclog my toilet.

Thank God for still speaking to me!!

Picking Up The Pieces and Unclogging Toilets.

Wow, It's been a year!!!

It's October and I'm almost in tears. Let's see...

1. I've gained 25lbs
2. I've disconnected with Christ (and He hasn't disconnected with me)
3. I've spent all my money
4. I'm failing my class (not really I had to switch to Audit)

How can I get back on track?

I was duped last year...I met Gov guy and I was determined to make him the one. I mean I was gonna be 40...why can't I be married. I waited and waited and waited. Other people had gotten married and divorced and had children and here I am....just me. I have value! I can be a good wife?

Well, I was duped because I was thinking that I could make it work, but God was like, "Nope, not him...." And I ended up mentally screwed up. I mean how to people just have sex with guy after guy without it affecting them. I mean Gov guy had my mind all jacked up. I tried to contact him this summer and he told me that when he breaks up with a person he doesn't communicate with them anymore. Dang......

So, I tried to move on and ReForm my life, but I was crazy and I met Mr. Ohio in July. I was duped again.

Dang it. What is wrong with me?

This was 2010 all over again with Coach. I met Mr. Ohio and my emotions got the best of me and I was crazy again and had to do all I could to get him off my mind. I mean he had me sending him naked pictures. Well, not naked and no I didn't send it from my phone or email...but dag he had me doing stuff that I don't just do with anyone.

So I went back to dating because I needed a replacement. I HAD to get Mr. Ohio off my mind so I wouldn't go crazy. So I met Mystery Guy.

We didn't start off with the usual "Hello, how are you, I'm fine and you, bit." After the hello, how are you we jumped into a conversation about relationships and what we like and want. He's an attractive guy, but I wasn't putting to much into it besides the great conversation because his profile said that he was non-religious and he didn't want children.

Those are two MAJOR categories for me. I mean I NEED a man of God and I WANT a baby, but we had GREAT conversations. After a few days of chatting (including video chatting which was fun) I had to be in Chicago for work so I asked him if we could meet. He agreed. But, the thing is, he thought I was lying about my reason for coming to Chicago.

I had to got to Chicago to pick up a service vehicle for work. So I booked an Amtrak ticket and I called my co-worker to ask him to pick me up at the station to take me to Evergreen Park to pick up this vehicle at my boss's house. He thought all of that was a ruse just to come see him.

WHAT? WHY WOULD I LIE JUST TO COME SEE YOU?

He wasn't convinced until I sent him a video of being on the train and being in the car with Joe, my co-worker.

WOW? I had to ask him what type of women were he meeting because I would have never come up with an elaborate ruse just to see him. If I wanted to see him I would just say, "Hey, what are you doing this weekend?"

Anyway, it did the trick. I'm not really thinking about Mr. Ohio even thought I do drive by his house to see if his car is there. But, after twice talking to him and he emphatically coughing into the phone to show me that he was indeed sick, I have given up. I mean...coward. I want to call him the "P" word, but I don't want to be crass. It's not his fault that I was duped. I wasn't paying attention and the devil got me, but it's October and I can still finish this year strong. I've got 10 days left in this month and 2 months left in this year. I just have to not die (like Creole N*gga said).

So I contacted my uncle to see if he wanted to join in with me in a 21 day Reset for the month of October. I started off well, but I fell off in the end, but I'm getting back up again. I mean, it ain't over until it's over and I have to stop allowing my emotions to rule me.

This includes me being upset about my jacked up house. I have holes in my walls...it's getting cold and my toilet is over flowing...I called RotoRooter.

Stay Woke, N*ggas Creepin

Boy, this online dating stuff is a trip!!

I was listening to a new podcast called Dirty John. It's a true story of a wealthy woman who was duped by a man she met online. My mouth was opened almost the whole time listening.

I mean I am finding that there are all kinds of kinds on this internet dating. Maaaannnn, I gotta stay woke cuz the devil tricked me.

I began to realize that the last time I felt like this was with Coach. I mean when I met Coach I was on cloud nine thinking that I was gonna get married and have a baby. Boy was I so wrong. I was tricked then and I got tricked now with Mr. Ohio. I mean, I didn't know anything about Mr. Ohio, but I was feeling him. What is the deal?

I need to make sure that I stay woke cause N*ggas be trippin!!

Who You Fornicating With

I met Mr. Upgrade he had me all hot and bothered. I mean I was actually getting ready to be really irresponsible.

We have midnight prayer the 1st Saturday of every month. And because I'm on the multimedia team we have make sure the prayer service is set up. I was scheduled to be there at at 1am to make sure everything was running well.

However, I was gonna cancel because I wanted to spend time with Mr. Upgrade. but I got a call from boss man, "Hey sis, I gotta work out of town, you got it tonight?"

All I could say was, "Sure."

Dang it....

I told boss man on Sunday that I was gonna be irresponsible and text him at 10pm and cancel. He laughed. "Who you fornicating with? You not the irresponsible type......," is what he said to me.

I just laughed. His wife was a little embarrassed that he was asking me that.

God, thanks for being mindful of me!!

Am I Being Hustled

I have a profile on POF and one evening I got a message from a guy saying that he liked my picture. We exchanged numbers. He said he was from Tennesee, but moved to live in St. Louis. He called me at 5am.

WHAT?

I was working in Peru, IL so I was staying in the hotel. He said he had just finished working out with his personal trainer. and he said that his sister lost 50lbs and was now a size 6. He also said that I should try his trainer and that he'd pay for a session. So he gave me the number. He was fast talking and YES I DO need to lose weight and this may just be the motivation to get my fat butt moving. So I called the trainer and we did a session (despite me not having the right shoes). I did about 120 squats. WHY oh WHY did I do that?

At the end the of session he wanted me to sign up for his services for about $300 a month and he would give me one month free. I told him I didn't want to pay for it all upfront. I would like to pay for things on a month to month basis because my schedule changes. He tried to convince me by saying I wasn't motivated because a motivated person would sign up and just do it.

WHAT??

I don't know who you are, I just met you and how do I know that you are not gonna just take my money?  We hung up and I called the other guy back.

This was all kind of crazy. I mean I thought this guy was interested in a date or something. Then I realized that the trainer and this guy had the same area codes.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

Is this the new hustle?  Meet someone on a dating site for your business?

I mean I could do the exact same thing.....

As a matter of fact I need to find a man who can help me remodel my house.....