Cryfest:Detroit

There's a lot going on in the world as it relates to racism. It's absolutely depressing. I mean sometimes I'm in tears thinking about and hearing what's going on. It messes with your psyche...being a black person, to know that something as simple as skin color will cause so much hate. 

I went to see the movie Detroit and as I was sitting there (there were only 7 people in the theatre) I kept asking myself what I was doing there. "Why am I watching is movie?" I mean I can watch the news and see this exact same thing. I stayed until the end and I was horrified. I mean absolutely HORRIFIED.  But, God is good and I know some people are so angry that they dismiss God in some situations. Yes, slavery happened, yes lynching and separate, but equal happened, but we can never leave God out. We CAN'T. In the Bible God told Abraham that his decedents would be held captive in slavery for 400 years, but in the end he was gonna bring them out with a MIGHTY deliverance.  

As I sat and watch the ending of the movie I just cried because the young musician could not go back to his old life. But he turned to the grace and love of God. He had nobody to get him through that hell but God and sometimes I think about my life and the abuse that I've been in and I often ask God why and I dismiss God and I turn my back on him because of the struggle that I go through, but no matter what God had NEVER left me and I Thank God for it!!

Thank You Jesus for your love and grace!!

White Castle Made Me Pee My Pants

I don't like living by myself. I always have this fear that something is gonna happen to me and no one will find me for days and days.....

I was eating White Castle sliders. I didn't realize that they put hot pepper cheese on the sandwich and the vapor from the heat made me inhale the wrong way and I ended up in the coughing fit. I couldn't catch my breath. I was coughing so hard and so much that I pee'd my pants.

OMG

White Castle, when I order regular cheese sliders I just want regular cheese, NOT hot cheese.

What Customer Service

Has customer service gone the way of the rotary phone? I mean you see them every now and then, but they are not being used often. LOL.

I was paying for a paint night and I was looking over the website to see if I could bring my own food. I couldn't find the information so I send a message over FB to ask about it. The message she sends me was rude..."You can find the information on the website, but yes can you bring food. " Thanks, dang. I didn't want to shoot back at her and tell her that I looked, because I did really look. I just couldn't find the information. I mean, maybe your website is just jacked up and if I can't find the information then it might need to be moved. Just answer the question as nicely as I asked. WOW.

Another instance of poor customer service. I guess I understand this one, but it could have been handled better...

I rent tons of cars through AVIS rental car. Like every month and sometimes 2 or 3 times a month. The same lady that I rent from works the counter every time. Sometimes I schedule a pick up at 8 am when the counter opens and she's not there. I prepay online and I have a premium card that is supposed to allow me to just grab the keys and go. So why do I always have to wait when I reserve at 8am? It's happened at least 3 out of 4 times.  Because I've been renting cars every month for the past 3 years I would say that I"m a loyal customer. So why am I not treated like that? I guess this is where my "privilege" mentality is coming it at, but without loyal customers some businesses will fail. So I spend money in exchange for good customer services.  Well, the last straw was when I pick up the keys to a vehicle, but I didn't necessarily pick up the vehicle because I didn't have the time. However, upon picking up the keys at 9pm, there were two services lights on in the car. I was supposed to drove to St. Louis to get to a concert at 11pm. WHAT am I supposed to do with bells and alarms going off in the car. Luckily I cancelled going to the concert, so I just drove the car home and took it back the next day. WHY OH WHY was I charged for gas? WHAT? I drove 12 miles and the was still on full. I called an argued with the lady and told her that I should not be charged because I could not even drive the car. She tried to say that all I had to do was call the roadside assistance. WHAT? Why would I even do that and be late to where I"m going? I guess if I had time I would do that, but I had no time for that. So I just didn't go. I paid for a useless car as least give me the benefit of the doubt and not charge me for gas. DANG. She finally relented and said she would waive the charges this time.

WOW...I haven't been back to AVIS rental car.

I Almost Burned My House Down

I was some cleaning in my house--folding laundry, vacuuming, etc all while listening to music. I decided to light some scented oil...my favorite scented oil while cleaning. And clean I did....until I turned around and fire was shooting up towards the ceiling from my scented oil. I jumped into action and ran towards the mantel, moving frantically. I grabbed the oil lamp and tried to move it to the sink. Fire was falling on the floor...OMG, I was frantic. I finally got it to the sink and snuffed out the fire with the water.

Whew.....

I can't believe that I just almost burned down my house. There have been times when I've left the oil lamp burning when I've left the house. Thank God I didn't leave. Basically, the top of the oil lamp was cracked and the oil seeped through to the candle. Yep, that one is in the trash.

God, what am I doing with this house? Help me!!

I Just Broke Up With a Man I Love

"This is my confidence, you've never failed me yet...." (Do It Again-Elevation Worship)

I met this guy on POF....Let's call him Mr. Ohio. Went went to tacos at Applebees on July 30. I was actually gonna travel to go see him, but I was so tired that he came to Decatur. He looked different from his pics, but he was still attractive. After I left, I text him that I liked him. Not sure why and I was trying and trying to figure it out. Well anyway. we talked on the phone and made plans to hang out over the weekend. I was gonna see him on my way to Ohio, but he convinced me to come see him before and we had a wonderful time. Yes, we did the do and it was sweet. He made me a full breakfast and we made dinner together. As we were talking and getting to know each other, he revealed that he had a vasectomy.

Oh boy....not good. Especially since the night before, he said to me (while trying to convince me to have sex with him) "don't you wanna get pregnant?"  What??? Why would you say that to me? Of course I wanna get pregnant!!!! But, that's not why we gonna have sex. OMG.

So, when he said that, I was kind of baffled....like why in the world would he say that if it was not just a ploy to have sex.

Anyway, times goes on and I'm thinking about him and I can't get him off my mind. But, I don't know why. I mean, he's not all that. I kept wondering if I was desperate. I mean, I am 40. God help me. On Friday we hung out again. I was thoroughly exhausted, but I wanted to see him. So I packed up and drove to see him. We had a nice night watching movies. Then off to bed where I refused to have sex with him, but gave in because I was so turned of.

Why did I do that?

He flipped the script and had me singing......

I don't think anyone has made me sing before?!

The next morning I was saying to him that I couldn't be with him and that he was gonna break my heart. Well, he agreed that he was a heart breaker and I told him I believe him. I mean, why say it if you don't mean it. I mean, you did say the thing about pregnancy when you know good and well, you can't reproduce. So I made it up in my mind that I wouldn't see him again.

I need a man who needs me and he doesn't need me. I mean, he's been married. His ex-wife has 3 children and he still looks at them as his children. What do you want me for? And he's spoiled. He thinks he can get everything he wants.

So, when he called me today I just told him that I thought we wanted two different things and that I don't think it would work out between us. He didn't do much to convince me otherwise. so I broke up with him.

And now my heart is hurt because I was really into him. I mean, he is the guy that I want to love. My dad says to marry up and he's up. I mean...he's way up there and he would upgrade me and I would want to meet his standards, but I don't right now which makes me so insecure. I mean...I am a wreck right now and if I showed him who I was, he wouldn't want me anyway, so it's better this way.

OMG....God help me, please!!!

How Do Miracles Happen?

I was working out of town on Friday and I got a call from my cousin Toni, "Phillip is in the hospital, he coded, I need you to call everyone..."

"Huh, what? WHO is in the hospital?" I was saying nervously. I was working in rural Illinois so my AT&T connection was not very strong so I didn't hear her correctly or at least I didn't think I heard her correctly.

"I gotta go, call everyone," she said as she hung up.

I was confused and disoriented. "Who did she say? I think she said Phillip, but would he be in the hospital?" I was thinking to myself. I went back to the car to try to make sense of what she was saying. I was trying to figure out who to call to get more information. I mean...Phillip is our 31 year old cousin. Why would he be in the hospital.

I called my aunt.

"What's going on?" I asked calmly.

"Phillip is in the hospital, he coded and we are on our way up there," she said.

I don't remember much else of what she said. My heart started hurting. I remember crying and calling my brothers and sisters. I was confused trying to drive. I had to pull over in a gas station parking lot to compose myself and to pray.

All I could do was pray and pray is what I did.

I was trying to make sense of the day. What in the world was going on? So I prayed....I called my friend to tell her that I would be back in town to drop off her keys and I told her what happened. I called another church friend to let him know that I wouldn't be at church that night and I told him what was going on. I was trying to think.

I called my Apostle's wife and left her a message. I'm not sure how long I sat, but then I began to replay my morning...

I had just listened to a man give his account of dying from being shot 5 times. He thought someone turned the lights out because it was really dark, but they pronounced him dead. He had tag on his toe and he was in the morgue. When the lights came on he opened his eyes. He was trying to figure out where he was...he was on a steel table and he was naked. Then he saw a man standing over him with some type of equipment. He asked the man what he was getting ready to do.  The man ran out the door. So the guy on the steel table gets up and walks out the room down the hallways. People are staring and the doctors try to talk to him and tell him that he needs to stay in the hospital. They were all amazed and not really sure about what to do because he had been shot 5 times, pronounced dead, and now he's up walking and wants to go home.

Well, they let him go because he lived down the street. He makes his way home and his daughter answers the door and faints. The man starts to yell and his wife comes into the room, sees him and she faints. He's trying to figure out what is going on. His wife and daughter come to and they explain to him that he was pronounced dead. They saw him lying on the table.....DEAD. No heart beat. nothing. The man tells them that he's not dead now and he kissed the ground.

So as I'm crying to God for mercy and grace to not let my cousin die, I remember this story and I begin to reason with God about how it is that I just listened to this miracle and now my cousin is in a situation where a miracle is needed. I was praying to God for a miracle.

I got a phone call from my brother (after the text that said he has a heart beat but it is weak). My brother said he talked to the doctor and they found out that he had pulmonary embolism and a blood clot broke off and traveled to his heart. That's what stopped his heart. They revived his heart, put him on life support and had to put him into a coma to save his brain. A brain can't go long without oxygen.

There is hope, I thought. I kept praying while updating my family.

In the meantime my sister from Chicago and I were planning to drive home together, but we decided that since it sounds like he's getting better maybe we should not try to head there at that time, but wake up in the morning and start fresh.

We got a call around 8pm that he took a turn for the worse. We hit the highway. I got to the hospital at 3am. I went to my cousin's bed praying. I touched him and my insides started shaking. I didn't know what was going on in my body, but all I could do is pray and watch the monitors. His blood pressure was not good.  I prayed and prayed. I went home around 4:30am.

To Be Continued...

Grilled Cheese Restaurant

I just came back from California. My brother bought a plane ticker for my niece to come visit him, but he said he didn't take off work and she would be there for 10 days. My niece is 13. So I offered to come hang out with her and them for her vacation. But my trip wouldn't be 10 days, but only 7. And I didn't fly into San Diego I few into Las Vegas and rented a car to drive 5 hours to San Diego. My flight and rental car was about $500 and if I would have gotten a flight from Chicago or St. Louis to San Diego, it would have been about $600 and then I would have had to travel to St. Louis or Chicago, so I got a good deal.

We went to Coronado Beach, La Jolla Beach, and Mission Bay to go jet skiing. We also enjoyed the water park for a day.

When we went to L.A. we stayed in Hacienda Heights which is about 25 miles from LA, but with traffic it takes about 50 minutes to get to LA. We walked up to the Griffeth Observatory to see the Hollywood sign and then we walked down Hollywood Boulevard. Overall I had a wonderful time. I really don't need to visit LA again, but my family wants to go next year. So....we are going.

Anyway, there are so many good restaurants and the so much to see. I just saw billboard and billboard of ads for all types of shows and concerts. It was amazing. I have not been to NYC, but I'm always in Chicago and LA seems "more." I don't know if that describes it...I did find my way to Beverly Hills and I went to West Angeles on Sunday morning....


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