That's Odd

I had a dream this morning that I was dating this guy that looked like Drake. He had swagger and was very well put together--so I thought. I would spend a lot of time with him and I even would sleep with him--not have sex, but sleep in the bed with him. For some reason, I was at my mom's and I would sneak him in to spend the night and I had my boundaries with him. We could not have sex and he respected that. I was goo goo eyed and in love and then my mom caught us. She disapproved and told me that she didn't like him. I couldn't understand why until one day we were hanging out and two people came up to us-they were case managers at the local mental health facility. They said that he had run away and they had been looking for him.

Then I woke up!!

Wow--I was in love with a man from the"loony bin:"

LOL.

That's why my mother didn't like him, she knew he was crazy even though he was fine and I loved hanging out with him, he was nuts!!!!

Thank God for warning!!!

I Wanna Feel Like a Woman

There is nothing that makes me feel more like a woman, than a man. I mean a nice, taller than me, strong arms, good looking.....MAN!!!

 I've been in relationships with men that made me really really feel like a woman...I mean, girly, attractive....just downright SPECIAL!!

Nothing makes me feel more like a woman, than a GOOD man. And right now I don't feel like a woman. Especially after seeing my friend and her husband. I'm not jealous at all. I am totally happy for her, but the way he treated her, I am sure she felt so ladylike. And I miss that.

Man...I wanna feel like a woman!!

 

Thank God, I didn't Let My Emotions Rule Me

So, I had a emotional day yesterday because I got this email:

We need to meet as soon as possible. Give me a call so that we can schedule this meeting.

It was from my boss. And the subject to the email was, "Housekeeping." I was nervous because my boss told me that if I failed another housing inspection, I would be fired. And this was my third strike.

So, after looking on craiglist for housing, I went to the office to make an appointment. We scheduled it for 11am today. I got to the office at 5 til and was immediately received by my boss. She told me that I NEEDED to do something about my dirty apartment.

And just to clarify....I've been doing good in my housekeeping. The inspector simply came on Wednesday which was a day I needed to pick my co-worker up from a city 45 miles away and I left at 7:30am and I didn't take the time to put my bedding away and pick up my clothes off the living room floor, which is what my routine is. Also, my recycle bin is overflowing and the laundry is in the hallway because I needed to set up my computer in my room, so I moved the laundry to the hallway.

So, I am on a mission.....

This mission is called, Project Spic & Span.

I called Lambert cleaning and organizing service and for $200 and 6 hours, we are going to clean and organize my STUFF. I think I will even get rid of a lot of stuff too.  We meet for a consultation tomorrow.

Overall, I am glad that I didn't allow my emotions to control me. I didn't emotionally eat, sleep, or do anything detrimental.....

Thank God!!!!

Emotions

I have to learn how to stop living out of my emotions....

Emotional eating, emotional sleeping, emotional buying, EMOTIONAL DESTRUCTION.

People's emotions get them into trouble all the time. If I'm in a funk, I eat the wrong things and too much of it. When things aren't going well, I want to just sleep and let's not talk about the hundreds of dollars wasted in retail therapy.

I'm making a declaration.

MY EMOTIONS ARE NOT GOING TO DESTROY ME.

I though it was my flesh, but it's really my emotions that are ruling my flesh.  I'm not disciplined in my eating because of my emotions. I"m not disciplined in my money because of my emotions. I've been in BAD relationships because of my emotions--Ok, my flesh had a part in that one, but mostly it was my emotions.

So, I got some bad news today. Not really bad news, but an email that is leading to possibly some bad news and at first I was gonna be in a funk, but I just made up my mind. I'm not gonna be upset, depressed, mad at myself. I'm just gonna take the news and move on.

Thank God for clarity.

"I've been to a place, called 'hell on earth'...."

My emotions aren't gonna keep me in hell.

On Top of That....It's Snowing

I make a conscious effort not to talk much about work, since most of my work is confidential. However, today was a doosy of a day....

First of all, it was cold outside. I mean, not just cold, but, "I think I need a coat, not a jacket," cold outside. And I didnt' wear socks or tights because my brain hasn't switched over to fall...winter's on it's way, yet because just two weeks ago it was like 80 degrees outside and I was wearing flip flops.

Secondly, I went to one place that looked and felt like there was some kind of seedy activity going on, then I went to another place where the owner was high (not exactly sure if it was the owner...it might have been a customer, but someone was HIGH as a kite and I thought I got a contact from the smell).

Then I went to a place where the owner (one of the owner's) had a gun tucked into the back of his pants. And it wasn't concealed.

On top of all of that.....

It started snowing on the way home.

WHAT???

I was freezing going in and out of those places and now I have to deal with the snow.

I'm not ready for the winter time. My brain isn't ready.

Ok....I"m not REALLY Marrying Robert

I really want to get married. Yes, it's time!! Well, I think it's time at least......

So, I get fixated on men. No, I'm not a stalker, but when I meet an interesting guy, I think about him. I fantasize about him--not sexually, just dream about if he is the one for me.

When I met Robert....he was interesting, educated, good looking and pleasant. I didn't know anything about him, but what I saw. I didn't even know if he was married or not (which could be the case because some men don't wear wedding rings).

Even though I fantasized about him, there was something that kind of bothered me.....

He reminded me of Mister.

Yes, there was something about him that reminded me of Mister and when I marry a man I don't want to be reminded of someone else.  So, that bothered me, but my fantasies are benign so I went with it. That is until I found out how old Robert was.

I have no problem dating older men. When I was 23, I dated a man who was 40. When I was 30, I dated a man who was 45. Older men are quite settled, but when I did look Robert up (courtesy of Facebook--yes, I reactivated my account just to look him up) I found out that he is probably my mother's age--53.

That.....is off limits. NO, he doesn't look it AT ALL. I mean, he looks my age. Maybe he takes care of himself  well, but I was disappointed. What do I look like introducing him to my mother. He graduated from high school the same year that my mother did. And even if he did graduate early--say 16, that still means he's in his fifties.

Oh boy.....I have no problem dating older men, but my mother's age is where I draw the line because at that point, why would you want a baby. Plus, can you keep up with me? I'm sure he can because he DOESN'T look it AT ALL and I would have never imagined he was that old...I truly though maybe 40 or maybe 45, but not over 50. WOW!!!!

So, the quest is still on.....

I've got to marry a man soon!!!

2-3 Weeks

I've applied for school. Yes, I've applied for a certificate program at UIS and I will know if I've been accepted in 2-3 weeks. I'm not really nervous, and surprisingly I'm not anxious, but I am anticipating.....

I really really want to get moving on my Ph.D program, but I was denied admittance into the program, so my plan is to get in a different way. I will first complete 1 or 2 certificate programs--Nonprofit management and/or Community Development, and then I will apply for the program. By then, I will have gotten to know most of the people within the department, I will have gotten to know the university and my chances would be greater. I'm not sure why I wasn't accepted before. The only thing I can think of is that I have not taken the GRE which I DO NOT want to take and my background has been in education, not public service or community development.

So by early November I should know if I"m going to become a college student again......

Happy Waiting!!